Arwen4CJ's Last.fm Journal

Jesus Christ's Sacrificial Death

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 03:44:54 +0000

Not only did I recently hear Spong speak (and he utterly denies Jesus' bodily resurrection, Jesus' death being substitionary atonement, the virgin birth, Jesus ascension after the resurreciton, the Trinity, etc.) last week, but today in the theology class that I'm taking almost the whole class just stated that they did not believe that Jesus' death was sacrificial.

And my theology professor was in full agreement!!

How can anyone who claims to be Christian deny the sacrificial death of Jesus Christ?

How can a person who claims to be Christian deny the substitionary atonement?

Recently I read that 51% of United Methodist pastors denied Jesus' bodily resurrection, and this is from a survey that is ten years old.

What is becoming of the church?

People are not enduring sound doctrine anymore...they cannot stand sound doctrine. This saddens me, and yet it shows the signs of the times.

Spong and others have completely made up their own theology.

2 Timothy 4:1-5
1I solemnly charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by His appearing and His kingdom:2preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction.

3For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires,4and will turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths.

In response to Dutch Sheets' prophecy of impending doom

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 16:16:51 +0000

The reason that I am writing this is because one of the leaders at my practicum site (Carolyn) forwarded me a prophecy from Dutch Sheets having to do with the presidential election. My response is below (I have removed the last name and e-mail address of the person at my practicum site who originally sent this to me):

Carolyn,

I am very, very prolife. When I was in college I went with some of my friends to the March For Life in Washington D.C. I feel strongly about this issue. Ultimately, I finally decided to vote for McCain because of Obama's stance ..ion. I really struggled with who to vote for. I wanted a pro-life president, but at the same time there were other issues in this election.

I figrued that Obama would probably win....but I voted for McCain anyway.

The Sunday evening before the elections some people from my church decided to pray about the elections. Before we prayed there were a few ground rules that were laid down. The person leading the prayer said that he didn't want us to be praying for or against any one candidate. We prayed for our nation, and for the candidates, and we prayed that God's will would be done. We also prayed for the leaders that are still in office. A woman came in late and did not hear the ground rules. The abortion issue weighed heavy on her heart. My prayer response to her prayer was to ask God to change the heart of Obama about abortion, regardless of whether or not he got elected. God CAN change hearts. This is going to be an ongoing prayer that I'm going to have now that Obama has been elected.

I think that Christians who are pro-life have two choices. They can either get mad and upset about the election, or we can pray for the candidate who did get elected, asking God to change his heart. This doesn't necessarily mean that God will change his heart....but I'm going to ask God to do so anyway. The situation is not out of God's hands.

I went to a prayer time at another church with a friend from school. At that prayer time, I really felt that Obama's election was God's will. I believe that God can and will use Obama to accomplish plans that He has for our country. Obama will be in my prayers, both before and after he gets into office. What would happen if Christians who were pro-life started praying for Obama? I think it would be healthy, and I think that God just might do something in Obama's heart.

As for Dutch Sheets......I really need to pray about how to say this....when I read your e-mail, and saw how you admired Dutch Sheets, I knew that I had to say something. I cannot remain silent about it. What's the best way to say this?

I'm going to go check on a friend of mine, and then I'm going to really pray about how to bring up my concerns with you regarding Dutch Sheets. I will be back. Expect another e-mail from me regarding Dutch Sheets.

Carolyn,
Over the past year I have been doing quite a bit of reading about Dutch Sheets and those who tend to run in his circle. I have to say that after what I have learned, I cannot personally respect Dutch Sheets as a Christian leader. I have read several of his prophecies and whatnot, and I have found some of what he says to be unbiblical. He has also uttered prophecies that do not come true. Not to mention, he also was a strong supporter of Todd Bentley during the whole revival in Lakeland, Florida this past spring and summer. For these reasons I cannot personally respect him.

Now, dealing specifically with what he has said below:
I can't help but question what he has said. First of all, he claims that because the United States elected a non-pro-life candidate that God is going to let judgments fall on America. But if that were true, then why haven't the last 8 years been smooth? We have had a pro-life president for 8 years.

Secondly, even if these judgments that he predicts will happen do happen, then how can we as Christians be sure that this is a direct result of our choice of president? Couldn't it also be the times that we live in? It seems to me that we are getting closer and closer to the end, and Jesus said that things would be bad. How are the judgments that Dutch lists so different than what has already been taking place? How are they different from the tribulation? How are they different from what Jesus says in Matthew 24?

MT 24:4 Jesus answered: "Watch out that no one deceives you. 5 For many will come in my name, claiming, ..I am the Christ, ' and will deceive many. 6 You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. 7 Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. 8 All these are the beginning of birth pains.

MT 24:9 "Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. 10 At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, 11 and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. 12 Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, 13 but he who stands firm to the end will be saved. 14 And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.

MT 24:15 "So when you see standing in the holy place ..the abomination that causes desolation,' spoken of through the prophet Daniel--let the reader understand-- 16 then let those who are in Judea flee to the mountains. 17 Let no one on the roof of his house go down to take anything out of the house. 18 Let no one in the field go back to get his cloak. 19 How dreadful it will be in those days for pregnant women and nursing mothers! 20 Pray that your flight will not take place in winter or on the Sabbath. 21 For then there will be great distress, unequaled from the beginning of the world until now--and never to be equaled again. 22 If those days had not been cut short, no one would survive, but for the sake of the elect those days will be shortened. 23 At that time if anyone says to you, ..Look, here is the Christ!' or, ..There he is!' do not believe it. 24 For false Christs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and miracles to deceive even the elect--if that were possible. 25 See, I have told you ahead of time.

skipping down to verse 32
MT 24:32 "Now learn this lesson from the fig tree: As soon as its twigs get tender and its leaves come out, you know that summer is near. 33 Even so, when you see all these things, you know that it is near, right at the door. 34 I tell you the truth, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened. 35 Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.

If we really are living towards the end, as many Christians believe, then we need to watch out for deception, and we need to also realize that things will continue to get worse before they get better. Things will not get better until after Jesus returns. God's judgment and anger is not just at America. The whole world has been wandering away from God...this doesn't mean that we can't pray and ask God to change people's hearts......but, overall, wickedness is just getting worse. Does God like that? No. But Jesus said it would happen. This does not excuse people from wrongdoing.....but God's judgment is for the whole world, not just America. That's what the tribulation is. It is not just judgment, but also it is God trying to get people's attention. Sometimes the only way that He will get a person's attention is through judgment....Revelation shows this. There is always a purpose to God's judgment....He doesn't just punish. Still, according to Revelation, many people will refuse to worship Him as God or to acknowledge Him in any way.

Disease and death are results of the fall -- they became part of our human experience when Adam and Eve first sinned. The wonderful good news in Jesus is that because of what Jesus did for us, we no longer have to fear death. Our bodies die, but when He returns, our bodies will be raised. We do not need to fear death. Satan has already lost. (I say this because Dutch Sheets says on the e-mail message that disease and death are from Satan).

As Paul said:
Philippians 1:20-26
20 I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. 21 For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 22 If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! 23 I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; 24 but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. 25 Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, 26 so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me.

This is my take on Dutch Sheets' response. Take what you want from it. I just wanted to say something in response.

here's a short video clip of Dutch Sheets....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ape-7zbsx4A

I found this video yesterday and I showed it to some of my friends. I have to say that their reaction to it made me very saddened. They told me that both the content of Dutch's message and the worship that followed is typical of many evangelical churches today. According to them, at all of the evangelical events that they have gone to, the gospel is being completely removed...and what is left is like what you see on the video.

This deeply saddens and grieves me. I consider myself to be an evangelical Christian, but I define the term "evangelical" as someone who adheres to the Bible, the historic Christian creeds, and who is passionate about the gospel message. This is how all of the apologetic authors that I have read define it. Sadly, it appears as if the church is moving away from sound doctrine. I haven't seen this in evangelical Christianity because I simply have not been around those who worship and preach like Dutch and Rick Pino do. All my knowledge of evangelicals comes from my high school years spent in Youth For Christ, my college years spent in Campus Crusade For Christ, and after college -- my attending the Vineyard. Then also, from my reading Christian authors like John Piper, Elizabeth George, Ron Rhodes, Walter Martin...and finally from my own reading of the Bible.

My heart aches for what the church has become.....there is so much false teaching out there. On the one hand there are people like Spong who outrightly deny the essentials of our faith. These liberal "Christians" no longer preach sound doctrine. But then neither do some of the popular evangelical leaders. The only thing is that they do it in a different way. Instead of outrightly denying essentail Christian doctrine, they tend to ignore doctrine altogether...or they will give lip service to it, but not preach about it. What is becoming of the church?

Not only do I want to pray for the leaders of our nation (including those who have just been elected), but I also want to be praying for the church.....the Bible said this would happen....but I still want to pray.

2TI 4:1 In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: 2 Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage--with great patience and careful instruction. 3 For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. 4 They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. 5 But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.

1TI 4:1 The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. 2 Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron.

JUDE 1:3 Dear friends, although I was very eager to write to you about the salvation we share, I felt I had to write and urge you to contend for the faith that was once for all entrusted to the saints. 4 For certain men whose condemnation was written about long ago have secretly slipped in among you. They are godless men, who change the grace of our God into a license for immorality and deny Jesus Christ our only Sovereign and Lord.

2PE 2:1 But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you. They will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the sovereign Lord who bought them--bringing swift destruction on themselves. 2 Many will follow their shameful ways and will bring the way of truth into disrepute. 3 In their greed these teachers will exploit you with stories they have made up. Their condemnation has long been hanging over them, and their destruction has not been sleeping.

2TH 2:1 Concerning the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ and our being gathered to him, we ask you, brothers, 2 not to become easily unsettled or alarmed by some prophecy, report or letter supposed to have come from us, saying that the day of the Lord has already come. 3 Don't let anyone deceive you in any way, for that day will not come until the rebellion occurs and the man of lawlessness is revealed, the man doomed to destruction. 4 He will oppose and will exalt himself over everything that is called God or is worshiped, so that he sets himself up in God's temple, proclaiming himself to be God.

COL 2:16 Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. 17 These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ. 18 Do not let anyone who delights in false humility and the worship of angels disqualify you for the prize. Such a person goes into great detail about what he has seen, and his unspiritual mind puffs him up with idle notions. 19 He has lost connection with the Head, from whom the whole body, supported and held together by its ligaments and sinews, grows as God causes it to grow.

As it is right now, the church, as a whole, is headed for apsostacy. It is not pleasant for me to say this....but look at what is happening with biblical "scholars" like Spong. Look at what is happening with churches that do not preach the gospel.

Here is a piece that I did not send to Carolyn, but will post in this blog:

It makes me mad that instead of praying for those who were elected in leadership, they go and condemn America, condemn Christians who did not vote for McCain, condemn pastors who did not speak out against Obama, and the like.

(According to Sheets this means that my pastor is condemned because he did not speak against any candidate, and he did not bring politics into his sermons. The same can be said of Rich Nathan, who specifically says that pastors should not tell people to vote for a specific candidate, and that pastors should not be preaching about politics. Instead, both my pastor and Rich Nathan preach the gospel....but according to Dutch, they are condemned by God. I find that laughable).

--- On Fri, 11/7/08, Carolyn wrote:

Subject: Re:Dutch Sheets' response to the recent presidential election
Date: Friday, November 7, 2008, 3:30 PM

Many of you are familiar with Dutch Sheets, who has been a highly respected leader within the Christian community for decades. I believe his analysis of the recent election is worthy of prayerful consideration.

Carolyn

--- On Fri, 11/7/08, Carolyn

Sent: Thu, 6 Nov 2008 4:10 pm
Subject: Fw: Dutch Sheets' response to the recent presidential election

--- On Thu, 11/6/08, Dutch Sheets Ministries wrote:
From: Dutch Sheets Ministries
Subject: Dutch Sheets' response to the recent presidential election

Date: Thursday, November 6, 2008, 12:24 PM

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..table>..tr>..table>..tr>..table>..tr> ..tr> Dear Alice,

November 6, 2008

I feel certain that many in my stream of the Church want a statement from me concerning Tuesday's presidential election. I will be frank in my remarks but I do not, however, intend to vent anger or attack anyone. I have read several statements from friends and colleagues I respect very much.
Their thoughts are well stated and, for the most part, insightful. None of them, however, seem to want to say some things that I believe need to be said. I do not claim infallibility or to have the final word, but my convictions run deep and I believe I bear a God-given responsibility to share them.

Was This God's Will?

Was what happened Tuesday God's will? I am quite confident it was not. America was offered a very clear choice between moving further toward protecting the unborn or further away; between a Supreme Court that would move toward honoring God, life and morality or away from it. The stakes couldn't have been higher nor the cost greater. As a nation we put on blinders concerning Barak Obama's background, associations, beliefs and practices, and set these causes back years, possibly decades.
And in doing so we took another step away from God and His plans for America, and another step toward judgment.

Judgment Will Increase

This is not a fire and brimstone warning from an angry, legalistic preacher. In fact, I feel more sadness and grief than anything else.
Perhaps I feel what Jesus felt as He wept for Jerusalem while announcing its judgment. I am not hoping for judgment; I am saying it is inevitable. I don't know where the unbiblical belief comes from that says a nation can live any way it pleases, can reject God and His ways-even mock Him-and not receive His judgments. Nor do I know when the belief came that it is always mean-spirited or judgmental to warn of these things. To the contrary, I believe it is our responsibility.

In warning of judgment, I am not suggesting that God is going to intentially and directly hurt people. Much judgment is simply the absence of God's protection and provision, caused by a rejection of His laws and ways. We have been experiencing some forms of judgment in America for years, but God in His incredible patience and mercy has kept us from the level we've deserved. I believe this will change to a degree and judgment will now
increase:

For those in the Church who aligned themselves with pro-abortion forces, I believe judgment will result.
For leaders in the Body of Christ who refused to take a stand for fear of losing people, money, and tax-exempt status-I believe there will be a degree of judgment.
For those, both within the Church and without, who voted money over morality-a potential raise or better health insurance over the life of a baby-there will be judgment. (The irony is that this decision to base one's vote on the hopes of a better economy won't produce the hoped for result anyway. The scriptures teach that it is righteousness which exalts a nation and that the nation is blessed whose God is the Lord.)

I have heard the argument that God cares as much about social justice issues (such as poverty and racism) as He does abortion, making a vote for Obama OK. I certainly believe God puts a very high priority on caring for the poor and I, too, have wanted to see equality demonstrated through a "minority" president. But to equate having a better income or the desire for a first black president, regardless of his positions ..ion and morality, to the issue of killing 50 million babies is not justice-it is a gross distortion of justice and great deception. I fear that we have been desensitized to this issue of abortion. I believe it kills babies and takes innocent life. I also believe it is blood sacrifice that empowers demons. Let's not forget this in our noble attempts to be kind and conciliatory.
For African Americans I can easily see how it could bring healing to have a first black president, just as it would be for Native Americans to achieve this or for women if a woman were elected president. Again, I have wanted to see justice in this way. I am only saddened that the price for this healing ended up being Barak Obama, a man that will set the cause of life and, most-likely, our God-given destiny as a nation back so drastically. (I also realize there are some who interpret any criticism of Obama as racism. Racism is so NOT what I am about nor what I live, that I will not even dignify any such accusations with a response.)

What Can We Expect?

What are some of the judgments we can expect on our nation from this election?

More economic woes
More violence in an already violent nation
Disease and death (satan, who is responsible for these things will have greater inroads to our nation.)
Natural disasters (weather-tornadoes, hurricanes, floods, drought; fires; earthquakes; etc.)
Terrorism (they will fear us much less now)
War, perhaps on our own soil
Judgments relating to the Court. The stacking of the Supreme Court against the sanctity of life and God's influence on America will occur, which will in turn cause the shedding of more innocent blood, more rejection of God's laws and the stealing from us of our godly heritage-all of which will perpetuate a cycle of even more judgment.

How Did This Happen?

I've been asked if this could have been averted had there been more prayer. I'm not sure. I believe there was a remnant of Christians fervently praying over these elections-I don't think there was anything more they could have done. Others, obviously, should have done more. The complacency and lack of discernment concerning our real condition in America-especially by the Church-is both appalling and horrifying. America is in serious trouble and it seems no one wants to say it. Fewer still are willing to do anything to change it.

Though I understand our reasons, we must be careful in our attempts to placate our feelings and calm our fears through religious phrases like "God is still on the throne" or "God has a plan". He was on His throne 35 years and 50 million babies ago. And He had a plan back then. The problem is, it was us. I understand our reasons for waving high the banner of God's sovereignty at times like these-it gives us hope. I will wave it, as well.
But please be careful with this. Too much emphasis on God's sovereignty and we're worthless; too little and we're hopeless. Maybe we should say, "we lost a critical battle but God will give us strategy to win the war." Then find the strategy.

But still yet, since God is usually willing to work through a remnant, I thought we had enough prayer. Obviously, God decided otherwise. There comes a time when He will not forgive or bless the majority based on the prayers or actions of only a few. America rejected God and asked for a king; I believe we now have our Saul (see 1 Samuel 8:5-7)-a man who does not have God's heart for America but his own. Like Israel in scripture, our nation believes it can turn from God and still be blessed. In His mercy and justice He will show us otherwise.

Like many, believing I had many promises and confirmations that God would "grace" us with a pro-life president in this election, I failed to consider strongly enough that all promises-even scripture-are conditional 99.9% of the time. Though I never prophesied or made guarantees that McCain-Palin would win, failing to factor this principle in strongly enough no doubt caused me to share my optimism with others inappropriately. If this caused any harm or confusion, I apologize.

Has the fact that my prayers weren't answered shaken my faith? No. I'm a little confused and discouraged. I'm also somewhat angry at the nation in general and much of the Church. Mostly I'm grieving over the nation and what this will cost us. I am not, however, angry with God and do not question His justice. And it is not true that we wasted our time, energy and money in our efforts anymore than it is a waste when we share the gospel with people who don't get saved. We must keep in the forefront of our thinking the fact that ultimately we are doing this for Him and that He will reward us for our faithfulness. And who knows, perhaps He will store up all those prayers for the next battle (Revelation 5:8, 8:3-5).

A friend and fellow warrior said it well,

"We did 'give it our all.' I know the Lord was pleased with that. A coach wants to know one thing at the end of a heartbreaking sports loss: 'Did you leave it all on the field?' (your passion, your commitment, your strength, your courage, etc.) I know that we 'left it all on the field.' We didn't hold anything back until the game ended. Tragically, it ended in defeat. We will rise for another day because Jesus is worthy."

Where Do We Go from Here?

Does this election outcome shake my faith that we can see a great awakening and ultimately reformation in America? Absolutely not (and it strengthens my resolve). We will simply get there through greater pain and loss. Even my passion to see the Supreme Court shift is not from a presupposition that there can be no spiritual awakening without it. It is simply due to my deep conviction that their decisions bring so much death, destruction, curses and judgment to America; and because our full destiny as a nation is unquestionably linked to their decisions. So, yes, we will get an awakening and reformation; but the reality is that this reformation of the nation will reform the Supreme Court (and government, in general), not vice-versa. My faith has never been in people or a political party; my faith is in the God who works through them.

I've been asked if my feelings about Sarah Palin have changed. They have not. I believe she is an Esther, a Deborah, with a huge mantle from God for reformation. God has a great destiny for her related to this nation if she chooses to continue down this path.

So, in conclusion, we must re-group as an apostolic, praying church and advance. We must maintain an immovable faith in God, His plans for America and His mercy. And we must move beyond simply asking God for a spiritual awakening and ask Him for strategy to produce reformation, as well. I, for one, am just getting started!

For God and this great nation,
Dutch Sheets

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Spong is coming to my school :(

Wed, 29 Oct 2008 03:58:54 +0000

Hey, I'm writing to you because it was announced today in class that Spong is coming to my school. My professor said that we could invite anyone that we wanted to to hear him speak.

If you don't know who Spong is, he is one of the most theologically liberal scholars out there. Even my liberal friends on campus don't like him because he deliberately attacks evangelical viewpoints, and he purposely tries to annoy us.

For example, he denies Jesus' bodily resurrection.
here's the wikipedia page:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Shelby_Spong

Here are his specific beliefs:
1. Theism, as a way of defining God, is dead. So most theological God-talk is today meaningless. A new way to speak of God must be found.

2. Since God can no longer be conceived in theistic terms, it becomes nonsensical to seek to understand Jesus as the incarnation of the theistic deity. So the Christology of the ages is bankrupt.

3. The biblical story of the perfect and finished creation from which human beings fell into sin is pre-Darwinian mythology and post-Darwinian nonsense.

4. The virgin birth, understood as literal biology, makes Christ's divinity, as traditionally understood, impossible.

5. The miracle stories of the New Testament can no longer be interpreted in a post-Newtonian world as supernatural events performed by an incarnate deity.

6. The view of the cross as the sacrifice for the sins of the world is a barbarian idea based on primitive concepts of God and must be dismissed.

7. Resurrection is an action of God. Jesus was raised into the meaning of God. It therefore cannot be a physical resuscitation occurring inside human history.

8. The story of the Ascension assumed a three-tiered universe and is therefore not capable of being translated into the concepts of a post-Copernican space age.

9. There is no external, objective, revealed standard writ in scripture or on tablets of stone that will govern our ethical behavior for all time.

10. Prayer cannot be a request made to a theistic deity to act in human history in a particular way.

11. The hope for life after death must be separated forever from the behavior control mentality of reward and punishment. The Church must abandon, therefore, its reliance on guilt as a motivator of behavior.

12. All human beings bear God's image and must be respected for what each person is. Therefore, no external description of one's being, whether based on race, ethnicity, gender or sexual orientation, can properly be used as the basis for either rejection or discrimination.

He is coming to my school on Nov. 12, and he will be speaking from 11:30 to 1:00 and also from 7:00 to 8:30. He is taking questions at the 7:00 to 8:30 time.

Since we are encouraged to invite people to hear Spong, I thought it would be good to invite people who actually believed in Jesus and the gospel. I'm going to open up the invitation to anyone from either Fremont Vineyard or River Valley Vineyard. It would be awesome if people asked him questions from the biblical viewpoint to show him that we are not idiots, and to make the other people in attendance really think.

I really feel that thologically conservative/evangelical Christians are being heavily attacked by the liberal viewpoint. Someone in administration at my school must really want the liberal viewpoint to be expressed. This semester has been especially hard on me and a lot of my friends.

If you can't go to hear Spong, then please pray for my campus. A lot of students will just follow after whatever a scholar says, just because they are a scholar. He has the potential of influencing a lot of people, both students and non-students....whoever decides to hear him speak.

The reason I'm posting this as a blog is because I want as many people as possible to pray for my campus. This is my response to so much spiritual opposition.

I'm tired of school

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 22:52:54 +0000

I'm sorry, I don't mean to complain.....I just have been feeling very frustrated these past three years, and I just have to get it out.

I'm tired of studying and writing papers and daily being around "Christians" who do not believe that Jesus is their Savior. I'm tired of almost all of my textbooks espousing a theologically liberal viewpoint. I'm tired of pointless discussions in class. I'm tired of feeling like I have to fight for everything that I believe 24/7. I'm tired of the whole school thing.

I'm tired of my practicum site not being willing to stand for Jesus Christ alone. It's supposed to be a Christian counseling place, but they do not want to only do things from a Christian perspective. They they feel that they need to branch out, possibly in other religious directions.

A lot of times I question whether or not I even want to go into counseling.

There, I feel better that I said it :)

I just have to make it through the rest of this semester, and then next semester.

About my iTunes playlist called "CD Against Todd Bentley"

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 15:20:18 +0000

This journal entry is a continuation of a discussion that I am having with a person who has commented on my Spiritual Warfare journal entry.

To provide some background information, I do not agree with Todd Bentley's teachings or the Lakeland revival. Another user saw my comments about Todd Bentley, and this other user strongly supports him and his teachings. We have been commenting back and forth on my journal entry.

However, our discussion has taken us to a place in which I now have to defend myself in regard to my iLike account profile. The subject is that I have a playlist on iTunes, which is on my iLike profile. It is called "CD Against Todd Bentley."

In our discussion I was attempting to provide links so that the other user could listen to the sermons that I used in that playlist, but no matter what I did, last.fm was changing the URL links to the sermons to spam. The only way that I could think of to correct the problem was to start a new journal entry so that I could directly link.

The other user said this:
You have poste on your "ilike" profile - CD against Todd Bentley - it's pharisaic. You affirms you're not against persons - what's that? It's unworthy of a human being and a christian - without question. You're judging - it's not the way of doing like Jesus would do!"

My response:
see, so you were talking about my playlists on iLike. All right....so where do the playlists from iLike come from? They come from my iTunes playlists. I created the playlist called "CD Against Todd Bentley" because there was a lady in the church that I've been going to who was getting caught up in the Lakeland stuff. I downloaded several sermons from my pastors and put them on four different CD's so that I could give the CD's to the lady. She was not there when my pastor preached on Colossians 2.

iLike is very different from last.fm or MySpace. It is not somewhere that I would blog about anything.

"CD against Todd Bentley" is the name of a playlist -- the playlist that contains the sermons that I wanted to give to the lady. My playlists have one or two words, or short phrases so that I can identify what playlist they are. It was not meant to be an attack on Todd Bentley himself. If it would please you, I will change that playlist to say "CD against Todd Bentley's doctrine." It was meant to be a private playlist, for my own private use, so that I would have the sermons all on one playlist.

All right....I have added the words "teachings" to the playlist title. Hopefully that playlist will change in iLike as well. It might take a little time for the iLike software to detect this change. But I have officially changed in in iTunes. It will eventually change on iLike as well.

The playlist title was not meant to be seen by anyone except me, and also, I knew what it was for. It was to be used for my own purposes. If you have seen that playlist, then you know the titles of the sermons that are in that playlist:
1.) No Substitutes for Christ (based on Colossians 2) - Larry McWherter
2.) Small Things Done with a Great God - Rich Nathan
3.) The Holy Spirit and You - Rich Nathan
4.) A sermon about deception based on Matthew 24 - Nancy Cullen

All the songs that I put on there to fill up the space on the CD's are all focused on Jesus Christ and the gospel, and the supremacy of Christ. This was my intent with the CD's that I made for my friend.

The sermons themselves don't even mention Todd Bentley....but they do refute his doctrine.

As I have said to other people, we actually are called to discernment. Discernment is a kind of judgment -- it's a judgment between what teachings are of God and what are not. We are supposed to do this. Jesus told us to watch out so that no one deceives us. We are told to test everything.

Here are the sermons on the playlist "CD Against Todd Bentley":

This is a link a forum topic in my The King Reigns group. I have found out that mediafire links do not work in journal entries. Therefore, you can go to this link to download the mp3 sermon files.

http://www.last.fm/group/The+King+Reigns+-+and+Christian+singles/forum/81419/_/471130

[bf]CD 1 No Substitutes For Christ - Larry McWherter
http://www.[spam] above link is where you can download the mp3 file yourself and listen to what my pastor said in the sermon. He never mentions Todd Bentley or the Lakeland revival. I'm saying this so that you know it's not a hate filled sermon. The reason I wanted to give it to the lady who was being caught up in the Lakeland revival is because of the content of the sermon. In keeping with my belief that the best way to attack false doctrine is by stating the truth, this sermon focuses on the truth of Jesus Christ and who He is.

This past summer my pastor was going through the book of Colossians. This particular sermon happened to be focusing on specific verses that I had been using all summer in order to refute Todd Bentley's teachings. Colossians 2:18-21.
COL 2:9 For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, 10 and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority. 11 In him you were also circumcised, in the putting off of the sinful nature, not with a circumcision done by the hands of men but with the circumcision done by Christ, 12 having been buried with him in baptism and raised with him through your faith in the power of God, who raised him from the dead.

COL 2:13 When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14 having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. 15 And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.

COL 2:16 Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. 17 These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ. 18 Do not let anyone who delights in false humility and the worship of angels disqualify you for the prize. Such a person goes into great detail about what he has seen, and his unspiritual mind puffs him up with idle notions. 19 He has lost connection with the Head, from whom the whole body, supported and held together by its ligaments and sinews, grows as God causes it to grow.

His entire point throughout the whole sermon is that Jesus Christ is who we should be focusing on....He is Lord. Nothing should take the place of Christ. There can be no substitutes for Christ. This goes against Todd Bentley's teachings and the whole Lakeland revival because Todd Bentley was getting people to take their attention off of Christ. He was trying to "get people to believe in the angel" and he actually had people worship angels......calling them down and glorifying them. He also went on and on about the things that he has seen -- all the encounters he had with angels. Paul says in Colossians 2 that a person that does such things has lost their focus, and is not preaching Christ.

The songs that I put on the first CD and the explanations for why I included them on the CD.
1. How Great Is Our God, by Chris Tomlin - this song focuses on how great God is. No else deserves our worship...the triune God alone is to be glorified. He is God. Nothing else is on His level.
here are the lyrics:
The splendor of a King, clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice

He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the end
Beginning and the end

The Godhead Three in One
Father Spirit Son
The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb

Name above all names
Worthy of our praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

2. Blessed Assurance, by Third Day This song is Third Day's recording of the hymn "Blessed Assurance." It too focuses on the supremacy of Jesus Christ, and how the reality is found in Him and Him alone. It is through Him that we have our salvation.
here are the lyrics:
Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
O what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of his Spirit, washed in his blood.

[Refrain]:
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.

Perfect submission, all is at rest;
I in my Savior am happy and blessed,
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with his goodness, lost in his love.

(Refrain)

3. Blessed Be Your Name, by Matt Redman - a song to the praise and glory of God alone
lyrics:
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

4. [bf]Bless His Name - Tony Sanchez - a song about rejoicing in Jesus Christ and who He is, and how He deserves all of our worship and praise
lyrics:
Come, let us sing for joy
Let us shout aloud to our King
Come, let us worship God
Lifting holy hands, bless His name

Lord, we come to meet with You again
To worship with one voice in adoration
You deserve our every praise
That echoes in this place
You’re the worthy One

Lord, we come with gratitude that flows
From deep within our souls
We rejoice in You
(And) We will glory in Your name
With a shout our lips proclaim
The praises stirring in our hearts

Every creature in Heaven and Earth below
Bless His name, bless His name (4x)

5. You Alone - David Crowder Band - a song about the Triune God being the one and only God, and that He is all we need. He is enough. Also, we worship Him alone....nothing else, not angels, not manifestations.....but God and God alone. It also includes our response to God -- giving Him everything that we are.
lyrics:
You are the only one I need
I bow all of me at Your feet
I worship You alone

You have given me more than
I could ever have wanted
And I want to give You my heart and my soul

You alone are Father
And You alone are good
You are alone are Savior
And You alone are God

I'm alive, I'm alive
I'm alive, I'm alive

6. Reprise, by David Crowder Band - focusing on the supremacy of Christ. All of our worship rightfully belongs to Him. Nothing and no one can compare to Him -- including angels.
lyrics:
There's no one like You, Jesus
There is no one like You, Jesus
There's no one like You
There is no one like You

7. Deliver Me, by David Crowder Band - it is Jesus who delivers us, not angels. It is Jesus that we need to trust, not angels.
lyrics:
Deliver me out of the sadness
Deliver me from all of the madness
Deliver me courage to guide me
Deliver me Your strength inside me

Chorus
All of my life
I've been in hiding
Wishing there was someone just like You
Now that You're here
Now that I've found You
I know that You're the One to pull me through

Deliver me loving and caring
Deliver me giving and sharing
Deliver me this cross that I'm bearing

Oh, deliver me

Jesus, Jesus how I trust You
How I've proved You o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus
Deliver me
Come and pull me through
Come pull me through

CD 2 - Small Things Done with A Great God, by Rich Nathan
The reason that I included this is because just after I found out about the whole Lakeland revival thing, I decided to go see what Rich Nathan had to say about it, if anything. I wanted to see what he was teaching on. I have been to his church with some of my friends on Saturday nights, and I really respect him and I like what he has to say. It so happened that he was doing a sermon series on healing.

I found that to be rather ironic, since the whole Lakeland revival was about healing and such. So I listened to Rich Nathan's sermon. I listened to both this sermon and The Holy Spirit and You. This explanation will cover both sermons.

Rich never mentioned Todd Bentley by name, and he never mentioned the Lakeland revival by name. What he did say, though, was that God is enough. People don't need to go chasing after the latest fad...."oh, God's really moving in California, we need to go there and get what they have." Rich said, no, God's already moving in Columbus, Ohio. He is enough. We don't need to go chasing after some healing manifestation, or go to some great healer. God uses us. Both of his sermons were about God and God alone. Not about angels and not about manifestations, and not about "getting the anointing."

I included these sermons because of the comments that Rich makes about God being enough, people not needing to go somewhere else, people not needing to go get what some great healer has....and because Rich was dealing with the very same subject that the revival was dealing with -- healing. I was hoping that the lady that I was giving these CD's to would be able to see the difference between what was going on at Lakeland and what Rich was teaching.

here are the songs on CD 2.
1. Church Rise Up, by John Barnett - this is actually a song that they had been playing a lot at the church that I had been going to at home. To me it is a call for the church to rise up in truth.....preach Jesus Christ and Him crucified.
lyrics:
Lord, things are changing
War is raging, hearts grow cold
Shake the dust from our vision
Raise a standard, lead us on

Breathe upon the dreams
You've planted in our hearts
By Your Spirit
Let these dry bones live again
Let them live again

Let the church rise up
Let them sing again
From the ends of the Earth
Let freedom ring
Make us salt and light
In the name of Christ
From the ends of the Earth
Let the church rise up

2. Creed, Third Day - This is what I call Christian orthodoxy...these are the essentials of the Christian faith. I included it because this is what any revival should be teaching. The main message should be the gospel. That's not what I saw going on in Lakeland.
lyrics:
I believe in God the Father
Almighty Maker of Heaven and Maker of Earth
And in Jesus Christ His only begotten Son, our Lord
He was conceived by the Holy Spirit
Born of the virgin Mary
Suffered under Pontius Pilate
He was crucified and dead and buried

And I believe what I believe is what makes me what I am
I did not make it, no it is making me
It is the very truth of God and not the invention of any man

I believe that He who suffered was crucified, buried, and dead
He descended into hell and on the third day, rose again
He ascended into Heaven where He sits at God's mighty right hand
I believe that He's returning
To judge the quick and the dead of the sons of men

And I believe what I believe is what makes me what I am
I did not make it, no it is making me
It is the very truth of God and not the invention of any man

I believe it, I believe it
I believe it
I believe it, I believe it

I believe in God the Father
Almighty Maker of Heaven and Maker of Earth
And in Jesus Christ His only begotten Son, our Lord
I believe in the Holy Spirit
One Holy Church
The communion of Saints
The forgiveness of sin
I believe in the resurrection
I believe in a life that never ends

And I believe what I believe is what makes me what I am
I did not make it, no it is making me
I did not make it, no it is making me
I said I did not make it, no it is making me
It is the very truth of God and not the invention of any man

I believe it, I believe
I believe it, I believe
I believe it, I believe it
I believe it, I believe it
I believe it, I believe it
I believe it

3. You Never Let Go, by Matt Redman - a song about how God will never let go of us, and how we need to cling to Him alone.
lyrics:
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
Your perfect love is casting out fear.
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life,
I won't turn back, I know You are near.

And I will fear no evil,
For my God is with me.
And if my God is with me,
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

O no, You never let go,
Through the calm and through the storm
O no, You never let go,
In every high and every low
O no, You never let go -
Lord You never let go of me.

And I can see a light is coming for the heart that holds on -
A glorious light beyond all compare.
And there will be an end to these troubles,
But until that day comes,
We'll live to know You here on the earth.

(And I will fear no evil)

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on,
And there will be an end to these troubles, but until that day comes,
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You.

4. Father, Spirit, Jesus, by Casting Crowns - the gospel....what more can I say. It's about who God is and what He has done, and then our response to Him. Because of who God is and what He has done, we will give him ALL of our worship, and worship Him alone. We don't worship angels.
lyrics:
Lord, the worship we bring
Is more than songs that we sing
It's a reflection of our ever-changing lives
The best we have to offer

We don't just lift up our hands
Lord, we lift up our lives
For we know that You are worthy of our praise
To You our lifesongs raise

Rescued from darkness
We are walking in marvelous light
For we are children of the King
SING

You are worthy of all honor
Glory, praise and power
King of the nations
You are holy God, almighty
Clothed in brilliant majesty
Father, Spirit, Jesus

REPEAT ALL

Rescued from darkness
We are walking in marvelous light
For we are children of the King
SING
SING

You are worthy of all honor
Glory, praise and power
King of the nations
You are holy God, almighty
Clothed in brilliant majesty
Father, Spirit, Jesus

Worthy of all honor
Glory, praise and power
King of the nations
You are holy God, almighty
Clothed in brilliant majesty
Father, Spirit, Jesus
Father, Spirit, Jesus
Father, Spirit, Jesus
Father, Spirit, Jesus

5. Nothing In This World, by Marc James - about God alone being worthy of our praise, and that nothing can compare to who He is, including angels. Because of this, we will give God all of our worship.
lyrics:
Nothing in this world
Not one thing found on Earth
Could compare with who You are (Repeat Section)

I will give You all my worship
I will give You all my praise
You alone are truly worthy
You alone are truly great

Who else reigns in majesty
Enthroned on high
Who else reigns eternally
Jesus Christ

6. When All Is Said and Done, by Matt Redman - we belong to Jesus and Jesus alone. It is to Him that we give our all, our every breath. We don't give anything to angels. Jesus is our only hope.
lyrics:
Life´s too short to be lukewarm,
This is I know, this I know.
Jesus You can have it all
My every breath,
My every breath.

I need Your power to live this life,
This I know, this I know.
I can´t do this by myself;
You´re Christ in me
My only hope,
My only hope.

As I walk this broken world,
Tune my life to heaven´s song
For I am Yours.
And when all is said and done,
Tune my life to heaven´s song
Forevermore.

7. I Lift My Eyes Up, by Kutless - it is to God that we need to look. He is where our help comes from, not angels. God is our only hope. He's the One who gives life.
lyrics:
I lift my eyes up
Unto the mountains
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from You
Maker of heaven
Creator of the Earth

Chorus
Oh how I need You, Lord
You are my only hope
You're my only power
So I will wait for You
To come and rescue me
Come and give me life

CD 3 - The Holy Spirit and You, by Rich Nathan
See explanation for Small Things Done With A Great God

here are the songs:
Medley, by Third Day - I chose this one especially because of the Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus part of the song. Compared to Jesus, everything else in this world grows strangely dim. But Give also talks about talks about God's love being all that we need and want.
lyrics:
Give/Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus/With Or Without You/Your Love Oh Lord

You said all that follow You may find
Comfort and pain, blessings in hard times
Were I to leave, where else would I go?
The words of life and of truth you hold

All I want is love
I confess to this
I will take it, Lord
All You have to give

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of Earth
Will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

All I want is love
And I confess to this
I will take it, Lord
All You have to give
All You have to give
All You have
All You have to give

Your love, oh Lord
Reaches to the heavens
Your faithfulness stretches to the sky
And Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains
Your justice flows like the ocean's tides

And I will lift my voice
To worship You, my King
I will find my strength
In the shadow of Your wings

Your love, oh Lord
Reaches to the heavens
Your faithfulness stretches to the sky

2. Set Me Free, by Casting Crowns it is only through God that people are set free, not through angels

I don't feel like typing up the lyrics. I don't have them saved on my computer, like I have the others.

3. A Greater Song, by Matt Redman - it's Jesus that we need to be proclaiming day after day. It is not angels or anything else.
lyrics:
Who could imagine a melody
True enough to tell of Your mercy?
Who could imagine a harmony
Sweet enough to tell of Your love?
I see the heavens proclaiming You day after day,
And I know in my heart that there must be a way

To sing a greater song,
A greater song to You on the earth.
To sing a greater song,
A greater song to You on the earth.

Who could imagine a symphony,
Grand enough to tell of Your glory?
Our highest praise but a feeble breath
A whisper of Your thunderous worth.

I see the heavens proclaiming You day after day,
And I know in my heart that there must be a way

To sing a greater song,
A greater song to You on the earth.
To sing a greater song,
A greater song to You on the earth.

Hallelujah, we want to lift You higher,
Hallelujah, we want to lift You higher.

4. Much of You, by Steven Curtis Chapman - this is where my heart is....to make much of Jesus. We should always be making much of Him, not much of ourselves. It reminded me of a really good book I read called "Don't Waste Your Life," by John Piper. Once again, it is the gospel that is central to the Christian faith. This is what any revival should be doing. Not making much of humans, not making much of angels, not making much of anything except for God.
lyrics:
How could I stand here
And watch the sun rise
Follow the mountains
Where they touch the sky
Ponder the vastness
And the depths of the sea
And think for a moment
The point of it all was to make much of me
Cause I'm just a whisper
And You are the thunder and

I want to make much of You, Jesus
I want to make much of Your love
I want to live today to give You the praise
That You alone are so worthy of
I want to make much of Your mercy
I want to make much of Your cross
I give You my life
Take it and let it be used
To make much of You

And how can I kneel here
And think of the cross
The thorns and the whip and the nails and the spear
The infinite cost
To purchase my pardon
And bear all my shame
To think I have anything worth boasting in except for Your name
Cause I am a sinner
And You are the Savior

I want to make much of You, Jesus
I want to make much of Your love
I want to live today to give You the praise
That You alone are so worthy of
I want to make much of Your mercy
I want to make much of Your cross
I give You my life
Take it and let it be used

To make much of You

This is Your love, oh God
Not to make much of me
But to send Your own son
So that we could make much of You

For all eternity

I want to make much of You Jesus
I want to make much of Your love
I want to live today to give You the praise
That You alone are so worthy of
I want to make much of Your mercy
I want to make much of Your cross
I give You my life
Take it and let it be used
To make much of You

I want to make much of You
Much of You Jesus

5. Nothing But the Blood, by Matt Redman - this is one of my all time favorite songs ever. This song speaks of the TRUTH.....and this is what needs to be proclaimed. This is the gospel, and this is all about Jesus. It has nothing to do with angels.
lyrics:
Your blood speaks a better word
Than all the empty claims I've heard upon this earth
Speaks righteousness for me
And stands in my defense
Jesus it's Your blood (x2)

[Chorus]
What can wash away our sins?
What can make us whole again?
Nothing but the blood
Nothing but the blood of Jesus
What can wash us pure as snow?
Welcomed as the friends of God
Nothing but Your blood
Nothing but Your blood King Jesus

Your cross testifies in grace
Tells of the Father's heart to make a way for us
Now boldly we approach
Not by earthly confidence
It's only by Your blood

[Chorus]

Praise You for the blood
Yes, we praise You for the blood

(We've been ransomed, we've been held, we've been restored & forgiven. Thank you LORD)

So, we will praise you for the blood
Praise you for the blood

What can cleanse the world from sin
Nothing but Your blood
Nothing but Your blood King Jesus

6. Trust In You, by Jeremy Camp - it's in God that we trust. We don't trust anything else.
lyrics:
I can't see you
I know your there
I can feel you
I will not fear
I will trust in you and
I will not be afraid

When the battle is close at hand
Though your with me
You help me stand
I will trust in you
And I will not be afraid

I will not be afraid
I will not be afraid

I will trust in you
I will trust in you
I will trust in you

When the darkness is close at hand
And I'm running against the wind
I will trust in you
And I will not be afraid

When I'm standing upon that shore
Of the battle
Have gone before
I will trust in you
And I will not be afraid

I will not be a fraid
I will not be afraid

I will trust in you
I will trust in you
I will trust in you

I will trust in you
I will trust in you
I will trust in you

I will trust in you

I will not be afraid
I will not be afraid

I will not be afraid

I will not be afraid, ohh

I will trust in you
I will trust in you
I will trust in you

I will trust in you

I will trust in you

I will trust in you

CD 4 - Do Not Be Deceived, by Nancy Cullen
This sermon was part of a series on the Sermon of the Mount. This was preached in the church that I had been going to at home. I went home for the month of June because I didn't have any classes.

This message was based on Matthew 24. In it, Nancy says that wide is the path that leads to destruction, but narrow is the way. She also says that we can all be deceived. No one wants to be deceived, but yet we have all been deceived at one point or another. Because it speaks about not being deceived, I really got a lot out of this sermon. It was something that was weighing on my heart at the time, and still is.

Little did I know that people at that church were trying to bring in the Todd Bentley stuff. I found this out a couple weeks later, hence my e-mail to Nancy and one of my friends at that church. They really looked into the Lakeland stuff and did research. They decided that it was nothing that they wanted to get involved with. I praise God for that. This sermon actually played an important part in my e-mail to them, and probably their discussion about the topic.

This sermon deals with the very subject that I felt was so strongly part of the Lakeland thing -- deception.

here are the songs:
1. Jesus, You Alone, by Matt Redman, Tim Hughes, and some others - this song is about Jesus alone being our first love. Never should we look into another way.
lyrics:
Jesus, You alone shall
Be my first love,
My first love.
The secret place and the highest praise
Shall be Yours,
Shall be Yours.

To Your throne I'll bring devotion,
My it be the sweetest sound.
Lord this heart is reaching for You now

So I'll set my sights upon You,
Set my life upon Your praise,
Never looking to another way.
You alone will be my passion,
Jesus, You will be my song.
You will find me longing after You.

Day and night I lift my eyes
To seek You,
To seek You.
Hungry for a glimpse of You
In glory,
In glory

2. Beautiful One, Jeremy Camp - I absolutely love this song.....another of my favorites. It's about Jesus and how He is the Beautiful One...and it's also about what He did for us.
lyrics:
Wonderful, so wonderful, is Your unfailing love
Your cross has spoken mercy over me
No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no heart could fully know
How glorious, how beautiful You are

Beautiful one I love You
Beautiful one I adore
Beautiful one, my soul must sing

Powerful, powerful, Your glory fills the skies
Your mighty work displayed for all to see
The beauty of Your majesty awakes my heart to sing
How marvellous, how wonderful You are

You opened my eyes to Your wonders anew
You captured my heart with this love
'Cause nothing on earth is as beautiful as You

My soul my soul must sing
My soul my soul must sing
My soul my soul must sing
Beautiful one

3. Hosanna Praise Is Rising, by Brenton Brown - this is a description of what real revival is. It is where people turn to God, in truth. It's not about angels or manifestations.
lyrics:
Praise is rising, eyes are turning to You
We turn to You
Hope is stirring, hearts are yearning for You
We long for You
When we see You we find strength to face the day
In Your presence all our fears are washed away, washed away
Hosanna, Hosanna,
Come have Your way among us
We welcome You here, Lord Jesus
Hear the sound of hearts returning to You
We turn to You
In Your kingdom broken lives are made new
You make all things new

4. May the Words of My Mouth, by Tim Hughes - another of my very favorite songs. This is what the real heart of a believer is. We should be speaking about Jesus....again making much of Him in everything we do and say. We are to follow Him, not angels, and not modern day "prophets" or "apostles."
lyrics:
May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart
Bless Your name, bless Your name, Jesus
And the deeds of the day and the truth in my ways
Speak of You, speak of You, Jesus

For this is what I'm glad to do
It's time to live a life of love that pleases You
And I will give my all to You
Surrender everything I have and follow You
I'll follow You

Lord, will You be my vision, Lord, will You be my guide
Be my hope, be my light and the way
And I'll look not for riches, nor praises on earth
Only You'll be the first of my heart

I will follow
I will follow
I will follow You

5. Breathing the Breath, by Matt Redman - worship of God and God alone....not angels
lyrics:
We have nothing to give
That didn't first come from Your hands
We have nothing to offer You
Which You did not provide
Every good, perfect gift comes from
Your kind and gracious heart
And all we do is give back to You
What always has been Yours

Lord, we're breathing the breath
That You gave us to breathe
To worship You, to worship You
And we're singing these songs
With the very same breath
To worship You, to worship You

Who has given to You
That it should be paid back to him?
Who has given to You
As if You needed anything?
From You, and to You, and through You
Come all things, O Lord
And all we do is give back to You
What always has been Yours

We are breathing the breath
That You gave us to breathe

6. What Can I Bring, by Jeremy Riddle - God is worthy...and He is infinitely more wonderful than anything else. Again, focused on God and not angels.
lyrics:
This is my song to You
A melody of thanks for You
An expression of wonder
At Your beauty and Your splendor
No other cry have I
Than to know You more and lift You high
Oh, God of infinite glory
Above all You are worthy

What can I bring to You
Simply a song of love
And boundless gratitude
My whole life for You
You've rescued me from death
Given me Your kingdom
And blessed me with Your love
Countless mercies from above

Had I riches, I would bring them
Had I kingdoms, I would lose them
Had I the world, too small a gift
Would it be for You

7. Sweetly Broken, by Jeremy Riddle - again, one of my favorite songs. It's about the cross and what Jesus did on it for us. It's also about our response -- a response of total surrender to Him as Lord of Lord and King of Kings.
lyrics:
To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of it's suffering I do drink
Of it's work I do sing

For on it my Savior, both bruised and crushed Showed that God is love
And God is just

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified

You've called me out of death
You've called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I'm reconciled

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

As you can hopefully see, this CD is not a hate filled......This is what it is. If you don't believe me, then go to my iLike profile and look at the playlist there. Listen to the sermons.

Matt Redman Jeremy Riddle Kutless Jeremy Camp Chris Tomlin Rich Nathan Nancy Cullen Larry McWherter Tim Hughes Steven Curtis Chapman How Great Is Our God No Substitutes For Christ Arriving Blessed Assurance Third Day Facedown Where Angels Fear to Tread Beautiful News Lime Cd Illuminate Offerings II Lifesong Strong Tower All Things New Everlasting God Full Attention Carried Me Here I Am To Worship Casting Crowns Marc James John Barnett Tim Hughes Brenton Brown Tony Sanchez Blessed Be Your Name Bless His Name You Alone Reprise Deliver Me Small Things Done With a Great God Church Rise Up Creed You Never Let Go Father, Spirit, Jesus Nothing In This World When All Is Said And Done Lift My Eyes Up The Holy Spirit and You Medley Set Me Free A Greater Song Much Of You Nothing But The Blood Trust In You Do Not Be Deceived Jesus, You Alone Beautiful One Hosanna May The Words Of My Mouth Breathing the Breath What Can I Bring Sweetly Broken

Why Don’t They Believe in the Blood Atonement?

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 03:51:47 +0000

how can the majority of the people here on campus not love the cross?

how can our theology teachers not love the cross?

why does hardly anyone on campus believe in the blood atonement?

why don't they believe in the real gospel?....including sin and grace?

why do they have to redefine everything in a post-modern way?

how can they look at Jesus' death and ressurrection as metaphors for something else?

how can they define sin and grace as something apart from the gospel?

Why can't they see the love in the cross? Why can't they understand that Jesus laid down His life and died in our place...that He paid the price that we could never pay? Why can't they see that it is Jesus' blood that makes us righteous and justifies us? Why can't they see that this is the gospel?

How can they not see that Jesus' bodily resurrection is the center of our faith? Why can't they see that it matters a whole lot whether or not Jesus did raise from the dead?

In the words of Paul:
1CO 15:12 But if it is preached that Christ has been raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? 13 If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. 14 And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith. 15 More than that, we are then found to be false witnesses about God, for we have testified about God that he raised Christ from the dead. But he did not raise him if in fact the dead are not raised. 16 For if the dead are not raised, then Christ has not been raised either. 17 And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. 18 Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost. 19 If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men.

1CO 15:20 But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. 21 For since death came through a man, the resurrection of the dead comes also through a man. 22 For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive.

sigh....all I can do is cry for those who don't believe and pray for them and love them....and have good discussions with them.....and serve them in love

Am I upset? Yes. Why? Because this is supposed to be a Christian seminary. Yet the majority of professors and fellow students all deny the essentials of the Christian faith.

My personal statement of faith that I wrote for class

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 02:32:19 +0000

Please note that this all had to fit on one page...I changed the font size to squeeze it onto one page as it appears here, so it is not going to be extremely detailed. If there are any specific questions that you have about what I have said here, or what I believe, please feel free to ask in comments to this journal entry.

1. I believe in one God, and I believe that this one God is triune. I believe in the Father, the Son (Jesus Christ), and the Holy Spirit. In other words, I believe that the Father is God, Jesus is God, and the Holy Spirit is God. So I believe in the Trinity.

2. I believe that God is personal and loving, and that He created everything. (I will be using “He” and “Him” for God because that is the language that I feel comfortable using for God. This does not mean that I believe God is necessarily male or that God is only for males. I am using the language that is used for God in the Bible, and this is the language Jesus used too, and I am comfortable with it.)

3. I believe that God created humanity (both male and female, and both sexes as being equal in His sight) to have a loving relationship with Him – and that we were meant to be in fellowship with Him, and with this came the pleasure to worship Him and serve Him. However, I also believe that because God wanted us to be able to choose to love Him, or it would not be real love. He gave us the option not to love Him too. And I believe that the first human beings chose to turn away from God and to disobey Him.

4. I believe that because of this, that that relationship with God was broken between humanity and God and separated from God, and that now all of humanity inherited the tendency to sin. (So I believe in original sin.) I believe that sin is open rebellion against God, and that the punishment for sin is both spiritual and physical death.

5. I also believe that our rebellion did not keep God from loving us. I believe that God became human in the person of Jesus Christ so that He could do what we could not do – live a perfect life. I believe that Jesus is both fully God and fully human. I believe that He lived His human life without sin, and that He did many wonderful things during His life. I believe in His miracles.

6. I also believe that Jesus willingly suffered and died for everyone. I believe that He took everyone’s sins upon Himself and took the punishment that humanity deserved and paid the full price for us. Therefore I believe that He died in my place and that He died for me. His sacrificial death restored the broken relationship between humanity and God. I also believe in the bodily resurrection of Jesus. I believe that whoever trusts in Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior is completely forgiven of their sins and can have a personal relationship with God. I believe that this whole thing is a gift to us, and that it is undeserved. People cannot earn it. (I believe in grace).

7. I believe that this is the beginning of the relationship with God. We continue to grow in that relationship for the rest of our lives, and that the Holy Spirit continues to convict us of our sins, and that He is constantly leading us in closer relationship and perfecting us to be more like God.

8. I do believe in the gifts of the Holy Spirit, but that they are not essential for salvation. However, I do think that the gifts edify individual believers as well as the church, and help the church carry out its mission, and help people grow in their faith. The gifts take our faith to another level. I believe that the ministry and mission of the church are basically the same. The church is to reach the lost for Christ, but at the same time to encourage believers to grow in their faith and support them. As far as sacraments are concerned, they are great ways of displaying faith and showing what that faith represents. They are constant reminders of what we believe.

9. I believe that Jesus is the full revelation of who God is, but I also believe that the Holy Spirit reveals truths to believers so that we can understand the Bible and as part of a growing relationship with God.

10. I believe that Jesus Christ will return, so I believe in the Second Coming of Christ. I have no definite opinion of exactly how that will come about, but I do believe Jesus will return and will fix all the rest of the problems (physical death and sickness and whatever is leftover as a result of sin.) I focus more on knowing what will happen to me as far as heaven and hell is concerned. I believe that whoever trusts in Jesus is saved and I believe that whoever rejects Him will go to hell.

11. I believe that the Bible is the Word of God, and is inspired by the Holy Spirit, and is without error.

The Nicene Creed

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 02:16:43 +0000

I firmly believe in the Nicene Creed:

The Nicene Creed

We believe in one God, the Father, the Almghty,
maker of heaven and earth, of all that is seen and unseen.

We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ, the only son of God, eternally begotten of the Father, God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God, begotten, not made, one in Being with the Father. Through Him all things were made. For us men and for our salvation He came down from heaven: by the power of the Holy Spirit He was born of the Virgin Mary, and became Man. For our sake He was crucified under Pontius Pilate; He suffered, died, and was buried. On the third day He rose again in fulfillment of the Scriptures; He asceneded into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and His kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of Life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son. With the Father and Son He is worshiped and glorified. He has spoken through the Prophets.

We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church. We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins. We look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come. Amen.

The Gospel Message

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 02:06:19 +0000

- Because my belief in the reality of Jesus' bodily resurrection and His second coming has been called into question, I thought it was important that I make a definite statement about this. To follow this will also be posted my MySpace blog on the Nicene Creed and my personal statement of faith that I had to write for class. But first, this is a blog entry that I did on MySpace a while ago on the gospel message:

Hello everyone. This post is for anyone who is interested in learning more about Christianity. If you want to know the heart of the Christian faith, then please read this post. If you are interested in refuting Christianity, please also read this post. This post is also intended for anyone who wants to know what orthodox, evangelical Christianity considers the gospel....so that you can understand why I was so angry at a certain false apostle.

This is especially intended for anyone who wishes to "check out" Jesus, or who wants to know how to be saved.

Ever since I started working on websites I have wanted to present an opportunity on the Internet for everyone to be able to view my faith and a little about the most important thing in my life. I wanted to allow people from all over the world to have a place to learn about a personal relationship with God off of my own page. This is important to me because I wish to glorify God in all that I do...and to give all that I am to Him. He is the very reason that I can live. I do not wish to push my beliefs on anyone else, but only wish to share them with all who will listen. If you want to know a little bit about how I personally got started with Christ, you can read my previous blog entry called "My Testimony."

This is the very core of Christianity, and God's grace makes me who I am.

Thank you for taking the time to read them.

This is going to be an extremely brief explanation of the Gospel Message and an invitation to how you can know God…how you can be saved. The gospel message and invitation of how you can be saved are really the same thing. That's what the gospel message is all about…salvation.

Here's my own brief explanation of what it is:

God is the Creator, and He created us to have a relationship with Him.
This relationship involves loving God – but in order to love Him, humanity had to be given a choice to love God, and being given a choice means that there is also a choice to not do something (in this case a choice to not love God.) God didn't want us to be puppets on a string. Therefore, He created us with free will. Humanity was created to love and worship God…to know Him personally….

The first human beings, Adam and Eve, were given the command that they could eat from any tree in the Garden of Eden that they wanted to…EXCEPT the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. God told them that if they ate from it, they would die on the day that they did so. They were not prevented from eating from the tree of life, though.

Well, Satan, God's enemy, came along and saw how much God loved His creation. Satan's goal has always been to dethrone God, and since he couldn't do that, the next best thing would be to hurt Him. Since Satan couldn't attack God directly, he decided to attack this special creation called humanity, which God, for some reason, had decided to love. Satan's goal then became to take humanity down with him. He knew that eventually he would be defeated, and knew that he would have to be punished.

Satan approached Eve and fed her half truths….which are the worst kinds of lies ever. He also caused Eve to doubt God by saying, "Did God REALLY say…." And he also told her that she could be like God, and gain wisdom, and that God lied to her about her death if she disobeyed God…she listened and ate from that tree, and Adam didn't object. He ate some of it too.

Well God showed up right afterwards and pronounced judgment. They had disobeyed Him (they sinned)….and in doing so, they had rejected Him and had turned away. Since they were the first humans, all others have been born with the tendency to sin. Humanity could no longer be in a perfect relationship with God, because of this sin. God is holy and cannot be in the presence of sin. Not only this…but God had said that Adam and Eve would die if they ate of that tree, and since they didn't die immediately, there had to be a spiritual component to this death, and that had to have been the thing that died when Adam and Eve disobeyed. However, God also said that they would eventually physically die as well because they had turned from Him.

Since Adam and Eve were the first humans, and carried this tendency to sin to all their children….that means that all of humanity is in this sinful condition. What resulted for humanity was a broken relationship with God. We were all are in a fallen state…we are all separated from God.

He also cast them out of the Garden of Eden, and did not allow them to eat from the tree of life.

Immediately, God began a plan for how humanity would be saved, and alluded to it right away, before He cast them from the garden. Humanity needed salvation.

In order for God to save all of humanity, He needed to begin by selecting a group of people for His very own…who He would give His promise to, and through whom salvation would come. He selected the Jews, and told them that He would be their God, and He gave them laws so that they would know His standards. Connected to these laws were sacrifices to make atonement for sins, (because He said that without the shedding of blood, there would be no forgiveness), along with other types of sacrifices.

Then add the following: This is not a sadistic thing on God's part by any means. Blood was seen as life in the Bible. Because humanity had sinned, we all deserved death. The law demanded life for a life. God is just. When His law is broken, then the consequences from that law must be met. Since humanity sinned, a life had to be laid down, otherwise we would stand guilty before Him. Blood was seen to cover over sin...to cleanse and sanctify people from sin.

Even with the laws, the Jewish people still sinned. All of humanity still sinned. No one was perfect in God's sight because everyone had given into the tendency to sin. People did not love God with their whole hearts and they did not love other people as they would love themselves. No one has ever acted out of pure love for God and no one has always acted kindly to everyone and treated everyone with love and acted in the best interest of other people AT ALL TIMES. Everyone falls short of His glory.

This means that we (humans) cannot reach God on our own, by our own effort. We cannot earn our way into heaven. There is nothing we could ever do that would be good enough to justify ourselves before God. We are all sinful, so even our best efforts cause us to fall short of God's standards. We can't earn it in any way, by following the laws, by going to church every Sunday, by being a good person, by helping other people, or any other good work.

Therefore, God had to intervene in order to save us. He loved us so much that He wanted to save us, even though humanity continually turned from Him. He Himself became human in the person of Jesus Christ, who was both fully God and fully man. That was the only way for us to be redeemed and have a restored relationship with God. Since no one could live a perfect life, Jesus did what we could not do and did live a perfect life. He showed us what living by God's standards looked like. He also showed us what God was like.

Jesus not only lived a perfect life, but He took the punishment that all of humanity deserved upon Himself. He took the blows that we (humanity) deserved. He was beaten and bruised instead of you and me. He not only did all of this….but then He took all of humanity's sins upon Himself, even though He lived a perfect life. He was declared guilty instead of us. Then, ultimately He died for us…He died in your place, and He died in my place. We (humanity) deserved the death, not Him. He poured out His blood and bought us with His blood…..and His blood has the power to cover sins and give us total forgiveness. This demonstrates how much God loves us….

But that wasn't the end of it….three days later He rose from the dead. This resurrection was a real, bodily resurrection. He defeated Satan and conquered death. He is alive now, and we can all live because of Him. We have hope of eternal life because of Him. Shortly after His resurrection, He ascended to heaven…..but He will come back again someday, and then He will judge everyone in the world and physical death and the consequences of sin will be taken away forever.

Now…..the gift of eternal life….is a gift, and as with any gift, it has to be accepted in order for a person to receive that gift. Each person can either accept this free gift or reject it. If the person rejects it, and continues to reject it until they die, then that person will die in their sins.

However, if the person decides to accept this gift…if they decide to accept that Jesus died for them, and if they believe that He died for them, and they claim the blood of Christ….and ask Him to come into their life as Savior and Lord….then they will be forgiven, and they will receive the Holy Spirit (and for the best, most abundant life, they can also be empowered by the Holy Spirit), and they will receive all the benefits of salvation. They will have eternal life, they will be under Christ's protection, and their life will begin to be transformed, and they will start to have a personal relationship with God, and so much more.

All a person has to do is believe and ask Him to come in….and He will. It's His promise. No specific words need to be used….there isn't a special prayer that saves. A person is saved by grace through faith. It's by God's grace that He extends this free gift to each and every person, regardless of what religion or faith system a person might have grown up with. Humanity doesn't deserve God's gift…but He's offering it to us anyway.

Let me add something here.....this is part of a response I just wrote to a comment on one of my other blog entries.

Unfortunately, I do think that there are many people who think they are saved but really are not. There are a lot of people with a lot of head knowledge, who know Scripture really well, and who know how to "do" Christianity as a religion, but who do not truly know God. There are a lot of people who are members of a Christian church, who have been baptized, and who attend chuch (either every week or every once in a while), and think that because they are "Christian," they are safe. There are also a lot of people who call themselves Christian because they are not part of any other religion....and because their family has always considered itself Christian. None of these things are what make a person a Christian biblically. None of these things have any saving power...so just because a person would describe themselves as one of the above does not make them saved.

Jesus said, " "Not everyone who says to me, `Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 Many will say to me on that day, `Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' 23 Then I will tell them plainly, `I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' Matthew 7:21

It is important to remember that even saved people sometimes sin. It's part of the human condition. Sometimes saved individuals do not always display the fruits of the Spirit. This is unfortunate, but true. Now, generally, a saved person is going to display the gifts...just becacuse a person who truly loves God is going to do so. Jesus has an effect on a person's life. So, I guess you need to look at the person's entire life, and not specific incidents. In general, the saved person would display the fruits....yes, by the way the speak and act towards others.

I think it's a problem when we start to focus on whether another person who calls themselves a Christian is saved or not. Only God knows this. Instead, I believe that our focus should be on our own personal relationship with God. This doesn't mean to ignore others, but our individual focus should be glorifying God in all that we do. Our love for God should be displayed in how we treat others, and when they need encoruagement or when they are struggling, we reach out to them. We can share God's love with others....but our sharing His love is not because we are judging others, but because we want to glorify God...when this is our focus we can't help sharing His love with others. We want others to know Him too. We want to make much of Him.

There are many individuals who wonder whether or not they are saved. They wonder whether or not they have messed up too many times for God to save them.

I can tell you how you can know for sure whether or not you are saved....here is the test:
Is Jesus Christ your Lord and Savior? By this I mean, have you surrendered yourself to Him and let Him be Lord of your life? Do you believe that He took all of your sins (insert your name here's sins) upon Himself and died in your place (insert your name here's place). Do you believe that He paid the price for you (insert your name here)? Have you asked Him to come into your life (insert your name here's life) and be on the throne of your life (be on the throne of insert your name here's life)? Do you believe in Jesus' bodily resurrection? Do you know that you (insert your name here) need Jesus because you cannot save yourself. Have you submitted to the rulership of Christ? Have you repented (turned from yourself towards God).....it is a surrender of yourself to God....a whole life surrender. In effect what you are doing is placing your trust in Jesus' ability to save you from your sins. If you have asked Jesus to be Lord and Savior for you, then guess what, you are saved. If you have not, then you are not saved.

How can you know for sure that you are saved if you have confessed Him to truly be your Lord and Savior? Because salvation is not based on feelings...it is based on the trustworthiness of God. God says that you are saved if you have surrendered to Him.

Here are some verses:
8 But what does it say? "The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart," that is, the word of faith we are proclaiming: 9 That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. 11 As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame." 12 For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile--the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, 13 for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." Romans 10:8-13

13 I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. 14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us--whatever we ask--we know that we have what we asked of him. 1 John 5:13-15

These are promises from God...and because they are promises from Him, you can trust Him.

If you have not asked Jesus Christ to be Lord and Savior of your life, I would be glad to talk with you about it. Just let me know, all right? :)

Another important thing to remember is that salvation (in true Christianity) is not based on good works, or on how well you follow God's laws. The reason for this is that we could never be good enough for God. We all fall short of God's glory. We can never be good enough to meet his standards. This is the whole reason that Jesus came. He came and did what we could not....He lived a perfect life. This is why His death on the cross was effective. It's all based on Jesus' blood. The cross is the center of the meaning of Christianity.

Here's one of my favorite songs - Nothing but the Blood, by Matt Redman. It explains the point quite well:
Your blood speaks a better word than all the empty claims I've heard upon this earth. Speaks righteousness for me, stands in my defense. Jesus it's Your blood. Your blood. Your blood speaks a better word than all the empty claims I've heard upon this earth. Speaks righteousness for me, stands in my defense. Jesus it's Your blood.

What can wash away our sins? What can make us whole again? Nothing but the blood. Nothing but the blood of Jesus. What can wash us pure as snow? Welcome as the friends of God? Nothing but your blood...blood....King Jesus.

Your cross testifies in grace, tells of the Father's heart to make a way for us. Now boldly we approach not earthly confidence, it's only by Your blood. What can wash away our sins? What can make us whole again? Nothing but the blood, nothing but the blood of Jesus. What can wash us pure as snow, welcomed as the friends of God? Nothing but Your blood, nothing but Your blood, King Jesus.

What can wash away our sins? What can make us whole again? Nothing but the blood, nothing but the blood of Jesus. What can wash us pure as snow forever welcomed as teh friends of God? Nothing but Your blood. Nothing but Yoru blood, King Jesus. King Jesus.

It's Your blood, it's Your blood. It's Your blood, it's Your blood. Ransomed, healed, restored, forgiven...singing of Calvary...it's the blood...it's the blood it's the blood. We praise You for the blood....we've been ransomed, we've been healed, we've been restored, and we've been forgiven.
(end of song)

Does this give us a license to sin? No. A saved person who truly declares Jesus Christ to be their Lord and Savior would not really want to hurt God's feelings.....they would not want to grieve the Holy Spirit. When a person loves God, they strive to please Him. They want to glorify Him. Why is this? Because when a person asks Jesus to be Lord of their life, the Holy Spirit begins to change a person's heart. Your life is forever changed.

I think that not knowing whether you are saved is a problem in a lot of mainline churches. The problem comes from the fact that a lot of churches have stopped truly preaching the gospel. They don't want to offend anyone, so they don't want to talk about sin, grace, or the cross. I know in the church I grew up in, this was the case for me. I never heard the gospel message from anyone at the church. They wanted to cover it up.

Here are some Bible verses which speak about the gospel message...this is just a selected list...there are a whole lot more.

RO 1:16 I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. 17 For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith."

RO 3:19 Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. 20 Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.

RO 3:21 But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. 22 This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. 25 God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished-- 26 he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.

RO 3:27 Where, then, is boasting? It is excluded. On what principle? On that of observing the law? No, but on that of faith. 28 For we maintain that a man is justified by faith apart from observing the law. 29 Is God the God of Jews only? Is he not the God of Gentiles too? Yes, of Gentiles too, 30 since there is only one God, who will justify the circumcised by faith and the uncircumcised through that same faith. 31 Do we, then, nullify the law by this faith? Not at all! Rather, we uphold the law.

RO 5:1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

RO 5:6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

RO 5:9 Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! 10 For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11 Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

RO 5:12 Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned-- 13 for before the law was given, sin was in the world. But sin is not taken into account when there is no law. 14 Nevertheless, death reigned from the time of Adam to the time of Moses, even over those who did not sin by breaking a command, as did Adam, who was a pattern of the one to come.

RO 5:15 But the gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God's grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many! 16 Again, the gift of God is not like the result of the one man's sin: The judgment followed one sin and brought condemnation, but the gift followed many trespasses and brought justification. 17 For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God's abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ.

RO 5:18 Consequently, just as the result of one trespass was condemnation for all men, so also the result of one act of righteousness was justification that brings life for all men. 19 For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.

RO 5:20 The law was added so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, 21 so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

RO 6:1 What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 2 By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? 3 Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4 We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 6:23

RO 8:1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, 2 because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. 3 For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, 4 in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.

2CO 5:11 Since, then, we know what it is to fear the Lord, we try to persuade men. What we are is plain to God, and I hope it is also plain to your conscience. 12 We are not trying to commend ourselves to you again, but are giving you an opportunity to take pride in us, so that you can answer those who take pride in what is seen rather than in what is in the heart. 13 If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. 14 For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15 And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.

2CO 5:16 So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19 that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20 We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. 21 God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-- 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

(Jesus is speaking in this verse) 20 Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. Revelation 3:20

Here are some Bible verses which speak about the gospel message...this is just a selected list...there are a whole lot more.

RO 1:16 I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. 17 For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith."

RO 3:19 Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. 20 Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.

RO 3:21 But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. 22 This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. 25 God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished-- 26 he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.

RO 3:27 Where, then, is boasting? It is excluded. On what principle? On that of observing the law? No, but on that of faith. 28 For we maintain that a man is justified by faith apart from observing the law. 29 Is God the God of Jews only? Is he not the God of Gentiles too? Yes, of Gentiles too, 30 since there is only one God, who will justify the circumcised by faith and the uncircumcised through that same faith. 31 Do we, then, nullify the law by this faith? Not at all! Rather, we uphold the law.

RO 5:1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

RO 5:6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

RO 5:9 Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! 10 For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11 Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

RO 5:12 Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned-- 13 for before the law was given, sin was in the world. But sin is not taken into account when there is no law. 14 Nevertheless, death reigned from the time of Adam to the time of Moses, even over those who did not sin by breaking a command, as did Adam, who was a pattern of the one to come.

RO 5:15 But the gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God's grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many! 16 Again, the gift of God is not like the result of the one man's sin: The judgment followed one sin and brought condemnation, but the gift followed many trespasses and brought justification. 17 For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God's abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ.

RO 5:18 Consequently, just as the result of one trespass was condemnation for all men, so also the result of one act of righteousness was justification that brings life for all men. 19 For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.

RO 5:20 The law was added so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, 21 so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

RO 6:1 What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 2 By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? 3 Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4 We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 6:23

RO 8:1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, 2 because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. 3 For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, 4 in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.

2CO 5:11 Since, then, we know what it is to fear the Lord, we try to persuade men. What we are is plain to God, and I hope it is also plain to your conscience. 12 We are not trying to commend ourselves to you again, but are giving you an opportunity to take pride in us, so that you can answer those who take pride in what is seen rather than in what is in the heart. 13 If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. 14 For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15 And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.

2CO 5:16 So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19 that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20 We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. 21 God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-- 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

(Jesus is speaking in this verse) 20 Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. Revelation 3:20

My testimony (so far)

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 02:32:47 +0000

figured that it's probably about time that I post my testimony on here. I felt led to do it right now...don't know why, but I'm going to post it now. This is a collection of stuff that I have written about my experience with God.

My parents took me to a Christian preschool, and while I was there, I remember the teachers brought us into a big room…I don't remember if it was after the opening or what, and I do not remember how often they opened this opportunity up, but I remember a teacher asking us if we wanted to ask Jesus Christ into our hearts.

Although, at that age I didn't fully understand what that meant, it was something I really desired. I didn't know why…I just wanted Him in my heart. And when the teachers opened this up to us, I remember I was scared, yet there was also a very strong desire to accept Jesus into my heart. I remember fighting between the fear and the desire, and this desire, I believe was the Holy Spirit tugging on my heart.

Finally, the desire to ask Him into my life won over the fear, and I said I wanted to receive Jesus. So, I was taken into another room, and there must have been someone else there…a teacher or something, who led me in prayer…I don't remember the exact details…all I remember is confessing Him as Lord and Savior and wanting Him in my life….asking Him.

And I also remember something happened, and I know I was changed forever by it. I remember there being some kind of bright light, and there must have been an experience of the Holy Spirit coming into my life….because I remember something happening very distinctly, and also I believe that God spoke to me in that moment.

It was weird...it was so long ago, and yet I still remember some of the feelings and the event itself.

I know that although I was like 4 or 5, that that was when I became a Christian. Even though I didn't understand everything…He was in my life. And I am so thankful that I was saved at such an early age, because the church I grew up in never mentioned a personal relationship with God. There was only one time when receiving Jesus was even discussed in my church (that I can remember), and it was with a video…and I found out much later that people in my church got really upset over that. Some people were actually offended by it!

I went to church almost every Sunday with my parents, and Sunday School too…but there really was no saving message that was presented at that church. And I know a lot of other churches are like this as well…and it saddens me. It is partly for this reason that I have a passion for people in churches to not be ignorant about what the Bible says. Many churches are spiritually dead these days.

Growing up, I didn't know a whole lot about the Holy Spirit…He was just part of a song we sang when taking up the offering. No one I knew was on fire for the Lord. No one talked about what God had done in their life. Faith was a private matter. My church was more of a social club than it was a place to learn about God and to grow in relationship with Jesus Christ. People didn't come to worship God…there was no adoration for Him.
But despite this environment, God was still a part of my life, and I had a trust in Him. And I grew a little bit in my relationship with Him….though I didn't REALLY start growing in that relationship until high school.

If I hadn't been saved when I was, I don't know what would have become of me. All the other people who went through confirmation class with me….I have no idea where they are at now. Most of them do not attend church anymore, and I had not seen them in church for a long time. Several of them had children outside of marriage and got into other problems.

I am so thankful to God that He was there…and I know that it was only by His grace. Honestly, He is what got me through elementary, junior high, and high school. I do not know where I'd be today if He hadn't been in my life the whole time. Other kids made fun of me horribly –the way I dressed (I didn't care about fashion…I didn't have to have the latest in fashion), they considered me a geek/nerd (I actually cared about school work), I was never popular, and they knew they could be mean to me and get away with it. Thinking about these things now…..I was treated pretty badly.

Other people noticed how I was treated as well, and my friend Mark turned to me on the bus one day and asked me if I ever had considered killing myself because of how I was treated. I looked at him through tears and I told him, "No, I could never kill myself. I know God has a plan for my life, and I know that things won't always stay like this. I believe that He has bigger plans for me."

That's not to say that I wasn't emotionally wounded by how other people treated me. I was very hurt. It has taken a long time for God to heal me of all of those wounds…it has been a process. I held them to myself for so long because I didn't realize that I could give them to Him and that I could look to Him for comfort. Even though I had faith, there was so much I didn't know. I didn't know who I was in Him…in that I didn't know that I was precious in His sight. I felt really bad about myself, and saw myself as less than a person…because that's how other people my age treated me. God has brought me a long way since then, but I'm sure He also still has much work to do on me yet.

I can't imagine what would have happened had I not had faith. I might have gotten into drugs, or given my body to guys, or killed myself….any one of those things could have happened. But it was by God's grace that He came into my life when He did…and has been by His grace that He has sustained me.

A Focus on my life with peers in school

(Part of a letter that I wrote someone else who was struggling with guy issues)

Growing up, I never had very many intimate friends either. I grew up in a "Christian" church, but the people there viewed church as more a country club than anything else. No one really talked about the gospel message much, or their personal relationship with Christ, plus there really wasn't anyone else my age at church.

At school, when I was going into 4th grade, my family moved, so that I had to change schools. At my new school, people already had their friends. They wanted nothing to do with me. To them, I was an outsider. (This is a general comment, not something that may apply to EVERYONE). The first thing comment I heard coming out of anyone's mouth was, "Who is THAT….she looks retarded.." The kid didn't talk to me, but he talked at me…talked about me to another person. That made me feel pretty bad.

Not to mention my sister and I were having problems. She too was mean to me…and my mom criticized me a lot. I don't think she meant to…I sometimes think that she was not real sure of herself, and so she criticized me because she wanted me to be perfect…she was trying to feel good about herself and give herself assurance. I didn't realize it at the time….it seemed like everywhere, from every source I couldn't measure up.

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The other girls at my school did not want me to join their Campfire group…people were pretty snotty there. There were only a few people who welcomed me…so almost immediately other kids made fun of me. Instead of getting better throughout elementary school, things got worse. I liked this guy, Brad….I liked him a lot. When I was in 5th grade he found out that I did, and as soon as he found out that I liked him, he turned on me and became very mean. At recess, he got his friends to go after me….they would throw stuff at me…like woodchips and small rocks. I had to hide from them. I cannot remember if it was Brad and his group of friends, or whether it was when I was in 6th grade, but there was a group of people that would come up to me and kick me. I had to hide.

So in 5th and 6th grade I hid in a corner at recess because I didn't want anyone to find me. In 6th grade, a different boy used to come up to me and kick me as well. Someone got in my desk and ripped up one of the pens that I had outside. I saw pieces of it on the ground. One time this other kid, Tim, came up to me and started kicking me in the shins until they blood. I had some blood on my socks.

I used to hate recess a lot. Like I said, I would hide in the corner and sit down…sometimes I would just cry….wanting recess to be over.

There was a girl who used to "play" with me at recess…but because I'm not very athletic, and because I've never been good at sports, she just used the "play" to really beat me. She had fun beating me…..we used to play teather ball. At least it was something, though. It was better than sitting by myself in a corner all the time.

In junior high things didn't really get better for me, though they were a little better, I think. Other kids still made fun of me pretty bad….but the environment of junior high was different. We switched classes for every subject, and I wasn't with the exact same group of kids the whole time.

Other girls in 7th, 8th, and 9th grade were pretty mean. They used to write notes about me in class….I know the contents of one of the letters because the teacher read it out loud in front of the entire class…and it was a big class…it was band. It made me feel pretty terrible. The other girls in the clarinet section were always making mean comments about me, and they were always talking about me. I heard what they were saying.

In study hall they used to pass fish stickers around and give them to me…it was a way of making fun of me. They used to call me "chunky fish." Others used to write notes directly to me…the notes were pretty nasty. They used to make pretty cutting comments about me.

In 8th grade the guys continued to be mean….in art class there was this one guy who came up to me and kicked me in the stomach. I had no defense…he knocked the wind out of me, and the teacher did nothing about it. The same guy would trap me by instrument cases in the band room and start kicking me. I got away from him a couple of times, but one time he trapped me so that I couldn't get away for a period of time. He also tried to trip me in art class, and laughed when he succeeded. I believe he also kicked my legs too..The other kids in class joined in the laughing. No one came to my defense.

I had a small group of friends…and my best friend at the time was Christy (not her real name). By the time I was in 9th grade one of our mutual friends started to really change…and was influenced in a negative way, and she told people not to come to my birthday party. A lot of other people listened to her. I got the strong impression that she was trying to take people away from me as friends. Ever since 7th grade, me and several other people always used to sit together in the cafeteria before our first class. There were three places we could sit…in the auditorium, in the cafeteria, and in a gym. We had sat together at the same table in the cafeteria for every day since the year before. All of a sudden no one came…I was left alone at that table. At first I thought it was because other people's buses were late. So…I decided to look out into the hallway as people were coming inside from their buses, and there Christy and Tina (not her real name either) were, and they walked straight for the auditorium. They did not even glance at the cafeteria. Then I knew that they were going somewhere else…and that's the reason. No one bothered to tell me that they had decided to go to the auditorium. It had been going on for a couple weeks, and it was right before my birthday.

Then I found out that Tina had told everyone not to come to my birthday party, and that people were listening to her. Christy was going to be one of the two people who were going to come to my party….she had told me she was going to come.

The day of the party came….and no one had come. I decided to call her up and find out what had happened. I thought maybe something had happened in her family or something. I called….it was like half an hour or an hour into when the party was supposed to have started…and she answered the phone…she was like, "Oh, I decided not to come."

The other person who said she was coming did come, but she could only be there for a couple of hours. It was supposed to be a sleepover party, but she couldn't spend the night, and no one else came.

Another incident….after lunch one day – well to set this up, everyone who was done eating lunch had to go to the auditorium….so everyone did. I ate with Christy and Tina, as usual. Well…Tina had to go do something…so she invited Christy to come with her. She didn't say anything to me. However, I went along with them because I didn't want to sit there by myself. They were going to leave me by myself.

A teacher came along and asked us what we were doing. Tina explained herself and then said, "I invited Christy to come along, but not HER." (she pointed to me). I got into trouble…I got yelled at and I was told to go back to the auditorium…so I did.

At that point it was very clear to me that Tina was trying to take Christy away from me as a friend…so I confronted her about it. I wrote her a letter and told her how I felt, and how I did not feel that she was treating me right.

That completely broke my friendship with her….she turned on me…both she and Christy…and all the friends I had at that time. I had to sit by myself at lunch. I lost all my friends for a period of time. When I walked by the table that my former friends had sat at, because I had to walk by their table in order to dump my tray, they would laugh at me…Tina called me the word for a female dog (but she used the real word for it). I remember looking at everyone's face that was at that table, and they were all laughing at Tina's comment.

Sometimes I tried sitting with other people…but I always felt like an inconvenience….like they didn't really want me…like I wasn't welcome. I felt like I was a bother to them…so I sat by myself most of the time. No one invited me to sit with them.

In high school…in 10th grade I sat with Stacey (not her real name) and a couple other girls….but that was only for the first semester. Their schedules changed, and our lunch times changed. They no longer ate lunch the same period. Stacey started changing too….and by the next year when we DID have the same lunch period, she didn't really want to sit with me. Every once in a while I would ask her if we could eat together sometime…just to catch up and find out what had been going on in each other's lives. She would always give me the same answer, "another time." We never ate together again throughout 11th or 12th grade.

You see, junior high and high school were all about popularity. I wasn't popular, so I was nothing to most people. I didn't care about the latest fashions, I didn't try to fit in and be like everyone else…I didn't go out and get drunk…I didn't throw myself at the guys. I cared about my school work, and I studied. I did well in school. Most people considered me a geek or nerd or dork or whatever. Some people were mean because they knew they could be mean to me…they knew that no one would stand up for me and that I couldn't fight back….or they did it because it was popular to be mean to certain people…it improved their own social status. I had a bad reputation…my reputation was that they knew that I was a nice girl who didn't fit in. Other people might have been mean because they were jealous of me. I didn't smoke, I didn't drink….I didn't care about popularity, and yet I was still happy….and they were jealous of that. I had faith in Christ too, which I don't know whether they knew or not. I didn't have sex with guys either.

In 10th grade things began getting a little better…only slightly. People still were mean to me, but the way people were mean differed. Twice my house got toilet papered….and the second time was worse. People wrote on my driveway, "Hoe, nasty hoe." Even though we got that off….it used to show up every time it rained for a while.

I had a few friends….but none of them were as close as Christy had been…plus a lot of the friends I did have didn't really want to be seen with me too much, because if they were seen with me, people would know that they were my friend…and it would hurt their own reputation in the school….this was especially true for guy friends. People would think that the guy was my boyfriend or something…and then he would totally lose any social standing whatsoever with the other people at school.

Don't get me wrong…there were some nice people that I went to school with too…but I never got to know them very well. I had been hurt very deeply on the inside….I was wounded internally, and I thought that the only way I would stop hurting was if I had a boyfriend who could understand me. I thought that until that happened, I'd always hurt.

However, I never had a boyfriend…never went on a date….nothing….and looking back on it, it was much better that way….because I would have relied on the guy to meet all my emotional needs. That would not have been good.

Besides 5th grade….let me tell you about the guy area of my life. Ever since I was saved (which was when I was in preschool), I have always had a strong desire to be in a relationship with a guy…to be married someday. There was hardly ever a time when I did not have a crush on a guy.

You know what happened with the guy that I liked in 5th grade. Well after Brad, I decided that I would not like a guy unless I knew what their personality was like. I would have to know something about them and how they treated other people. In 6th grade I liked a guy. He was really nice to me, and he was smart too. He may have liked me…but we were too young to date. At any rate, we had a 6th grade dance…at that dance his friends paid him to dance with me. I don't know if that was because they knew he liked me and he was afraid of it, or if they did it as kind of a "I'll pay you to dance with that GIRL.." kind of thing. In class when we were picking seats, he and I were supposed to sit next to each other and they pointed that out, and someone in class said, "(The guy) would like that." That's the reason I have to believe that he may have liked me.

In junior high I liked another guy. He was in my science class….and he was a really fun guy. It is possible that he may have liked me as well. I don't know. Someone came up to us one time in class and asked him, "so are you two going out yet…." That's the reason I suspect he might have liked me. He forced me to tell me who I liked….I was hesitate about it because of what had happened in 5th grade. I told him that…I told him how I was treated in 5th grade. He made the comment, "that was in 5th grade…who do you like?" It was his birthday…and I had always wanted a guy to tell me something special on my birthday, so I decided to give him something special on his…and his words convinced me he wouldn't laugh at me….so I told him that I liked him. After that, he and his friends were really mean to me. They would call me names, and he wrote me a disgusting letter in my locker.

That pretty much made me afraid to talk to any guy for a while. In 9th grade I liked a different guy. I also have reason to believe that he may have liked me back…because one time I came into class and he called me "Leia from SW," and he seemed to be interested in me. His friends encouraged him…they said something like, "if you don't take her, I will." Another friend in class asked me if I was single…and said that the guy was single…and he reacted like…."stop it…" However, I was scared to talk to him…I was scared he would treat me in the same way that other guys had.

That was the last time that I have had any reason to believe that anyone who I liked may have liked me in return. After him….and I'm not sure what it was that made me stop liking him…I think it was because I overheard him talk about smoking and stuff….and that turned me off from him.

After him, I liked yet another guy (I'm purposefully not giving out their names). He never felt the same way about me…and he was the first one that I liked a lot and really, really hoped that I would be in a relationship with. He was nice to me, and it is because of him that I got ICQ. He introduced me to it. (and it is because of ICQ that I started using orkut…a friend on ICQ invited me to her orkut community, and that's how I ended up on orkut. Someone else on ICQ suggested that I try My Space, and that's how I ended up here)

Well, the guy that I had liked from my science class and his friends used to also call me up on the phone…in 8th and 9th grade….and some of them used to play with my heart. They wrote me fake love notes….and although I knew that the love notes were fake, somehow, I hoped that there might be some truth to them. To be treasured and valued by a guy…..I longed for that…to be thought of as beautiful….

They used to also send me some e-mails about it…e-mail was pretty new at the time, and we all had school e-mail addresses. I didn't have the Internet at home until partway through 9th grade. But anyway, these guys used to send me "love" e-mails…and it did make me feel loved sometimes. They did it as a joke, though, and I also knew that.

Once, before a dance, a guy called me up and said very nice things to me…he pretended to be in love with me…and although in the back of my mind I thought it might be a joke from them, I still hoped that it was true. I'm a romantic…and I've always dreamed that a guy would call me and want to dance with me. When I got there, there was no one. I was by myself most of the time. The guy who had called me, when he saw me, he laughed in my face.

This was the guys' idea of entertainment….at my expense.

In 10th grade, I liked this yet another guy a lot. He was really good looking, and he was nice to me. When he found out I liked him, he didn't push me away, but he was willing to be my friend. He was happy to dance with me at the dances, and he didn't care what other people thought. He never felt the same way about me, but he was nice…and because of his reaction, I felt I could talk to guys again. Finally, I started to get the idea that nice guys did exist in the world.

In 11th grade I still liked him….but I eventually stopped liking him. He remained my friend even though he knew that I had liked him and that he did not like me back.

I really, really liked him, and I had convinced myself that he was the right guy for me…just because he was so nice to me. I didn't think that there could be any other guys out there that would be better.

In 12th grade I kind of liked someone….but it wasn't a huge crush. I didn't know him that well….. I tried to talk to him, he responded, but he never ever seemed to start up a conversation of his own. He was a huge Star Wars fan, like me.

Well, then I went off to college….my freshman year I liked a total different guy. He also was very nice to me…he actually listened to me and seemed to share as well. I was convinced he was the right guy for me too….because I didn't think I could do any better. He listened to me and he was my friend…

I wasn't sure that he liked me back….but one of my friends in college convinced me she was 100% sure that he liked me…until she said that, I didn't dare to hope. So I was SURE that he liked me back….so when one night he called me on the phone and said he wanted to talk, I thought that he would declare his feelings for me. I was excited…and I couldn't wait.

I rushed down to the place where we were to meet…we went for a little walk….and he stopped and asked me if there was anything that I had to say to him. I told him that I liked him. He told me that he had heard that…and that he wanted to clear things up…he felt it was important. He told me that he did not feel the same way….and that upset me because I had set my hopes on his liking me back.

I didn't give up though…I thought…well maybe we'll just be friends and the friendship will build into a love relationship. Well a couple weeks later there was a play, and he was in the play. My friend invited me to come, so I did…the only reason I came was to see him act.

After the play was over, I was hoping to run up to him and give him a hug….well….so I waited for the actors to come out. He eventually came out, but he was not alone. There was a girl with him. I had known that another girl liked him, but I didn't know they were going out. No one warned me, although several people knew I liked him.

Well….I found out rather suddenly….they kissed right in the open…and then I knew…and that really upset me. I left crying. I went back to my room and started crying and praying, and God spoke to me about this…

Before I continue, let me back up to some other times when God had spoken about the relationship area of my life. When I was in 7th grade I had liked this guy…I didn't mention it because it wasn't a huge deal. I heard him approach another girl and ask her out. That upset me a little, but not a whole lot….people weren't generally that serious about relationships back in 7th grade. After I went back to my seat though, I felt as if God were saying to me, "I'm saving someone special for you…the first person you actually date will be the person you will be with…" something to that effect. It's something I've always had a feeling about.

The second time God spoke to me about this area of my life was just after I had found out there was no longer any chance with the nice guy from high school. I was walking to class, and once again God spoke to me….I felt as if He was saying, "I'm saving something very special for you…this is a gift I'm giving you…I have someone better for you…" (I took that to mean that the guy God had chosen for me was going to be better for me, not necesarily a better person.)

Well, now…in my room just after I had learned that Matt did not like me back, and that he was going out with someone, God spoke to me again. In the midst of my praying and crying, the little line, "good things come to those who wait and those who believe in what is to come…" popped into my head, and I felt like hanging it in my room. I was crying, asking, "why do I always like the wrong guy…." God's answer was something like this, "It's because you have been relying on yourself, and you haven't been allowing Me to choose for you. I know you…I made you. I have someone special for you, but you have to let Me choose for you."

So in that moment I decided that I would not like another guy unless it was something from God. I didn't want to rely on myself, because every time I did, I had been wrong…I choose the wrong kinds of people for myself, and if I was going to continue doing that, I would continue getting hurt.

This didn't mean that I stopped struggling with it though, but I did try to give that area of my life over to God. I still longed to have a guy in my life, though.

At the beginning of my sophomore year of college, I was a resident assistant, and we had a special cookout at the nature center. There were trails there….and I went for a walk with several other people. During the walk I was really longing to be with a guy…to share it with a guy. It made me upset….my longing for a guy in my life.

Some people had left, but a couple of people were still there. Among them was a guy and Tami. Both of them were Christian, and they asked me what was wrong. I told them. They hugged me…and Tami said that I could borrow a book from her called When God Writes Your Love Story. I borrowed it from her…and it was amazing. It totally encouraged me, and I saw that God actually could do what I wanted Him to do in my life….bring me a guy.

Still, though I continued to struggle. It used to hurt me every time I saw a couple together holding hands and whatnot. Over Christmas break, my sister, who had a boyfriend at the time, invited him over to watch a movie. I saw them cuddling together, and I saw her with her group of friends….things that I did not have…and I started crying. I wanted both so badly. I basically cried out to God and told Him I wanted both. I also told Him that I didn't know any guys like the kind of guy I wanted.

Suddenly I realized that I liked the nice Christian guy…I didn't really know him very well, but he was extremely kind…one of the things I really wanted in a guy…and he had comforted me a couple times….and the way I met him was that I had been sitting by myself at lunch and he and his friend sat down with me because they didn't want me alone. He had kind of rescued me…LOL…and at the Bible study Christmas celebration, I had sat in a corner because I didn't feel like I deserved to be there….I hadn't gone to Bible study very much…and he came over to me and extended his hand to me and pulled me up. He told me that it didn't matter that I hadn't been coming, and he walked me over to a bench and sat me down, and he sat next to me….I had been completely blind to my feelings for him and what a nice guy he was.

However, I mistook my feelings for him…I thought that God was telling me he was the right guy for me….instead God was answering the other part of my prayer…as well as helping with the guy area.

When we got back from Christmas break, I wanted to tell this nice guy that I liked him….but I decided that instead I would thank him for his friendship to me. I invited him over to my room and sat him down and thanked him for being so kind to me.

We got into a long conversation, and we ended up watching Pride and Prejudice together, and he helped me put together a bulletin board. He also called me that week and invited me to go to dinner and eat with him and his friends. During break, I had also decided to go to Bible study more…not because of the nice guy, but because I knew I needed to, and that God wanted me to.

My friendship with this nice guy started then….and although I really, really liked him and was convinced he was the right guy for me….he was just meant to be my really good friend….and to help prepare me for my future husband…he was the right TYPE of guy, though, and I knew that.

He was an awesome Christian friend too, and he encouraged me and assured me that I was God's princess…bought with Jesus' blood. He treated me with respect…and as a sister in Christ. I had never really been treated like that by a guy before.

He also invited me to hang out with him and his friends on the weekends…and I knew he accepted me as an equal…he didn't look down on me like so many other people did. He was just the kind of guy I needed for a friend, and I am much better for it.

Throughout my college years I continued to grow in my relationship with God….Jesus Christ really did become my first love. God began healing me…..I had thought that only a guy could help me feel better….but I learned that I needed to rely on God to do that, because only He could satisfy my every need. Only He could truly comfort me. And He did….when my grandfather died before my junior year of college….yes it upset me when he died…and I had always wondered what I would do if someone close to me died and I didn't have a boyfriend…other girls had their boyfriends to hold them and be with them…but I didn't……well….I found out that the Holy Spirit was more than capable of comforting me completely….because He did. I didn't really grieve very much, because I trusted in God…and I was comforted by the Holy Spirit.

I learned to rely more and more on the Holy Spirit in college….I went on three trips to ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Florida with Campus Crusade over spring break…..those were awesome times! I also went to two Christmas Conferences, which I also learned and grew a lot from.

Now….after all of this, I've been out of college for two years….I'm in graduate school now, and I still do not have a boyfriend, and I still have never been on a date…but you know what, it's all right. God has promised me several times (and I didn't include them all) that He has someone special for me….

My whole focus on relationships is different than it used to be. I used to want a guy because I wanted him to comfort me and I wanted to talk to him…and to have a relationship. Don't get me wrong…that's still a part of it, but that's not my main focus. What I want out of a relationship now is that my relationship would glorify God. I want to grow in my faith, and I want to grow with someone…I want to serve God with another person…

I know that God's in control of my life…and although sometimes it's hard to trust something that logically would not make sense (me being in a relationship – I've never had any relationship experience…logic would say that a guy wouldn't want me), I believe that all things are possible with God, despite what people have constantly told me about never finding a guy.

Now…with all that has happened to me in my past….I do not think that God delights in our struggles….but that He allows them to happen so that we can be made stronger…..He allows Satan to mess with us….but in the end it only makes us stronger for God…and it glorifies Him. I have an amazing testimony, and I have a level of faith that most people do not have because of it.

When I was in junior high or high school…I don't know what year it was…I remember sitting on the bus. My friend turned to me…he knew how people treated me, and he asked me if I had ever thought of killing myself or anything. I turned to him and I told him this: "No. Things might be bad right now, but I know that God has a plan for my life. If I killed myself, then God couldn't use me. I know this isn't all that God has for me…things won't always stay like this."

To that I hold…..

As for my college friend…well, he was a really awesome guy, but since he didn't like me back, that means that God has someone even better for me than him. I don't know when God will bring him (my future husband) into my life…but I know that He will some day. My college friend was nice, but God has someone just for me, and it's not my college friend.

God's not done healing me…but I've come a long way.

If I wasn't a failure, then neither are you. God has a plan for your life too….even though sometimes it's hard to trust Him…..He loves you.

I can look back at every guy that I've liked so far and I can honestly say that God was wiser than me. He knew that they were not the right guys for me, and now I can see that too. I would have just been more hurt had I been in a relationship with them.

Believe me…I understand about wanting to share the depths of your heart with someone. I know this might be hard to hear, but we have to be content with just Jesus until God brings the right guy into our lives. It's not easy…not at all. Singleness is a hard life.

One thing I've learned about being single for so long is that this is a gift from Him…it's our time period to really grow close to Him so that He really is our first love. I admit that He wasn't always my first love. I used to desire guys above my desire for Him.

Another thing I have learned is that I need to guard my heart. I can't just let it be given away to any guy…but I want to save it for my husband.

As for success in career….I know this is really tough for us to take a hold of too…but remember what Jesus said. He said that God would provide for us whatever we needed, and not to worry about tomorrow, each day has enough trouble of its own. He'll provide somehow, even if it doesn't seem like it right now. Ask God for strength…how to get through this period of time.

Ask the Holy Spirit to comfort you and empower you to get through it….

If you're an emotional fool, then so am I….but Jesus' grace is sufficient. I know that I could not have gotten through school without Him.

Yes….God does know that we get hurt when we see the guy we like with another girl…it hurt me a lot when the the nice guy from college had a couple girlfriends…seeing them together all the time…but until I was able to feel happy for him, and surrender the situation to God, I wasn't able to let go…I even had to ask his girlfriends for forgiveness….because I had had bad feelings…I had wished that they would not have a successful relationship and I had been jealous of them. I had to ask for their forgiveness for it.

I guess here's the thing….which do you love more…God or the guy? You have to be honest with yourself….it's something we constantly have to watch. If you love the guy more than God, that's a huge problem. Would you still be okay if you never see the guy again?

As for losing the other guy over your relationship with Jesus Christ…let me tell you that I know God is proud of you for that. This too may be hard to hear…but Christians should only be in marriages with other Christians. If he wasn't a Christian, it's better that you broke up.

Let me tell you something else too…Satan loves to attack this area of our lives. Satan hates us and he loves to make us feel bad about ourselves. That's his goal. He wants to destroy our lives. Some of what you're experiencing may also be spiritual warfare…lies that Satan is feeding you.

For example, for me I used to think I was the ugliest girl ever because no guy asked me out, I thought I was subhuman, that no one would ever want to be my friend…that I was nothing…..these were all lies that Satan was feeding me

On eveanglism

As an elementary student, I remember singing the songs that I had learned in children's choir at my church, in hopes that other kids would hear them. I remember going to church and hoping that someone at church who didn't know about Jesus would learn about Him. I would imagine that.

It's a passion that God placed deep within me when I got saved, even though I didn't fully understand the message of the cross, and even though I had so much to learn about a closer relationship with Him.

Well, during my senior year of high school, I went to this thing called Niagara 2000, which was sponsored by Youth for Christ. It was really awesome, there were about 6,000 students from all over the United States, and we were gathered there to worship God. There were speakers, contemporary worship (first time I had really been exposed to it), and just awesome presentations.

During this conference, someone spoke about Cross Evangelism Training - Niagara 2000, the whole focus was kind of on evangelism. I was convicted, and felt that I needed to actually take the Gospel Message to people at my school. I don't know if people at school knew I was a Christian, because I never talked about my love for Jesus Christ, at least with most people. I never brought a Bible to school (I went to a public school, so you wouldn't think to do that anyway), but just to hear the testimony, "I wish someone shared with me about Jesus when I was in math class," and "if only other students had brought Bible's to class, just to have it on their desks."

Later, I had an encounter with the Holy Spirit and I finally understood what real worship was. I remember sitting there thinking, "This is what worship is supposed to be like" it was a meeting with God, it was totally surrendering to Him and glorifying Him, not just singing words, as I had been accustomed to thinking of it as. I also understood the gospel message better than I had ever before (no one really talked about it at the church I grew up in.) It was a realization like, "wow…He loves me, and He died for me."

So from then on, I had a renewed passion to witness to people, more than I had before. I really wanted to take part in the evangelism outreach at Niagara 2000, but only a limited amount of people got to go. I never let go of that passion.

When I got back to school, I wanted to make a difference for Christ. I started bringing my Bible to school, and I started talking about my experience at Niagara more and more. I had talked with a few people about my faith before, but this was like at a whole different level.

Then when I started attending college, I joined Campus Crusade for Christ. Over spring break I went to something called Big Break. I did this for three years, sophomore, junior, and senior years of college. Big Break was very similar to Niagara, except the whole focus of it was on evangelism. We gathered together for worship, we had speakers that spoke about a specific topic, and another speaker who would give us encouragement about reaching people for Christ. Each day, we were told to go out onto the Panama City Beach in Florida and witness to people. It was awesome, we took several hours out of every day to do this. And through that experience, I learned about what obedience to the Holy Spirit is, and learned to trust Him and rely on Him. Each of the three years He taught me something different, and I grew more and more.

I also went to the Indy Christmas Conference, which was also through Campus Crusade, and I attended this for two years. Again, there were speakers and awesome worship, but the focus was a little different. The first year the topic was having a thirst for God, and the second year the theme was He Is. We had a day of outreach with that (and again God showed me different things both years), and we also had a day when we could pick whatever sessions we wanted to go to.

Well, the second year I went, there was a topic called "Witnessing to Jehovah's Witnesses." I felt an urge from the Holy Spirit to attend that session. I didn't know why, because I didn't know any Jehovah's Witnesses, but it was really strong, and I knew it was from God. So, I obeyed, and I went to it. Up to that point, I hadn't really been involved in witnessing to different groups of people, only to people who didn't really believe in God at all. So this was really strange for me.

So I attended the session, not knowing very much about Jehovah's Witnesses except that one of my Sunday School teachers had said they were not Christian. This guy spoke whose father had been a Jehovah's Witness, but upon reading through the book of Colossians in the their bible, he realized that they were wrong, and so his son started this ministry to them. I learned the basic beliefs of the Jehovah's Witness, but more importantly, the speaker gave us his website:

EadsHome Ministries

I looked at it a little bit, but didn't really do a whole lot with it. Then either later that day or the next day we had our day of outreach. Well, we were to give food to poor people in Indy, and we were given a specific street to do, and while doing this, we were to share the Gospel Message. Well not very many people were home, and as we were walking, I felt that strong urge from the Holy Spirit again, and He was telling me that we needed to go to this grey house that bordered the street we were on.

I told my group that I was feeling that God really wanted us to go to that house. They accepted that, and we went to that house. The lady that lived there was home, and so we started talking, and it turns out that she didn't really have a church, but had been attending a Jehovah's Witness congregation a couple times. She really wasn't strong in a belief about anything. Wow, that was awesome. I used the stuff that I had learned in the session about the Jehovah's Witness and was able to counter some Jehovah's Witness teaching in a very limited way, and shared with her the hope of heaven that all people who believe in Jesus have. I gave her one of the booklets we had, and walked through that with her. She was kind of unsure about everything.

Then that summer, when I went to Big Break 2003, I encountered an older couple, they were both Jehovah's Witness, and then she started talking to me about Jehovah's Witness beliefs. I hadn't really looked at the Jehovah's Witness stuff since Christmas Conference, but I remembered some of the stuff, and some of the arguments I could use. But I didn't actually have much of a chance to tell her what I thought about everything. She did most of the talking. Therefore, I didn't feel satisfied with my conversation and I needed time to look up certain verses in the Bible. Jehovah's Witnesses are taught to witness to people using their beliefs. We Christians are not taught to defend our beliefs against Jehovah's Witnesses, so they have an advantage. I felt compelled to write her a letter after looking things up in my Bible to present a case for my own beliefs. I don't have a copy of that letter now, because I hand wrote it, but as I was writing it, I prayed and asked God that if He wanted me to give the letter to her, that He would help me find her the next day so that I could give it to her. I hadn't set up a meeting time or place with her. Well, I wrote it, then took it with me the next day when I went out on the beach. I started walking, and I found her!

Then I graduated from college, and that summer a Jehovah's Witness who had graduated from high school with me knocked on my door. After the encounter in Florida, I had begun to have a passion for witnessing to Jehovah's Witnesses. Well, Jenifer (not her real name) came over the first time while I was unavailable. My parents talked to her, though, and told me that Jenifer and another Jehovah's Witness had stopped by. I was disappointed that I had missed her, but it gave me a chance to go to the EadsHome Ministries website. I went there and printed off a bunch of stuff. The website was very useful. She told my parents she would probably come back again in a week or so. So I got ready.

Well she returned and she and I talked. We talked about once a week for several months. I not only read the website, but I started reading other books about Jehovah's Witnesses, and how I could witness to them, as well as what they really believed. As I was doing this I began to REALLY have a passion for them. God laid them on my heart. Jenifer and I discussed several topics, among them was the Trinity. Before that point, I had never really examined why I believed in the Trinity as far as Scripturally and with reason. Talking to a Jahovah's Witness about this stuff forced me to do this. I began with the stuff from the EadsHome Ministries website and the books I had read on Jehovah's Witnesses, but then God began showing me stuff about the Trinity Himself, and I began to understand better at a different level than I ever had before.

Before, I believed in the Trinity and Jesus' Deity because I just knew the beliefs were right, just through my personal relationship with God, but with what happened as a result of talking with Jenifer, I have more of a reason than that, I have thought about it and I have examined Scripture and allowed God to speak to me about it. So now my understanding on these matters is even at a deeper level, and I have more of a base to argue from and to witness from. It also strengthens my own faith and glorifies God.

It's just really cool.

But since that time, He has placed me in contact with other Jehovah's Witnesses

So throughout all of this, God has given me a passion for not only reaching the people who do not consider God or believe in Him at all, but also for people who are in other religions, or who are in cults (like Jehovah's Witnesses).

I cannot wait to see where the Lord takes me next.

More on Big Break and my experiences through it

Big Break 2003

This was the first Big Break trip I went on. I really had wanted to go…because of my passion for witnessing to people, but I had never actually gone up to total strangers and shared my faith with them face to face. I was really excited!

The first day we got there, we had the opportunity to pass out bottles of water to people on the beach. Several people from my Campus Crusade group were with me, and we were going to go as a big group and just pass out water. We weren't looking to get involved in a conversation…which was to my disappointment. But I went with the group, and I was among the last in the group….and a big drunk guy saw me and asked for water. I had a bottle, so I stopped and gave it to him. The rest of the group kept on going. He started talking to me, and we got into a conversation about God. I wasn't scared at all (and I know that was totally the Holy Spirit), and another girl from a different group joined me, and we both were talking to this guy.

It was really awesome…and I found out later that it was a big encouragement to the others in my group, because they stopped to see where I was, and they saw me talking to this guy…and I'm pretty small.

I loved being able to talk to that guy. At that point in time, I didn't know the Bible as well as I know it now, so I couldn't really give him Bible passages as part of my argument, but the girl that came up alongside me used some Scripture. I couldn't help but feel like I was lacking in knowledge of the Bible, but at the same time I knew that God would enable me to speak the truth.

We had our first session that night, and after it was over, we were to go out in small groups and go up and down the strip of Panama City Beach, Florida and just pray for the people. This strip was scary….it was at night, and there were people driving up and down the strip blaring their music, and there were people drinking and smoking all along the way. Our directions were specific…we were to go to the strip.

I went with a group…maybe somewhere between 8 and 10 people…and as we were walking and praying…I was scared out of my mind. Each time I closed my eyes, I was afraid someone was going to run into us with a car, or kill us, or that something was going to happen to me. However, I decided to put my trust in God, though I was still a little scared.

Well as we were praying, random people started coming up to us. They WANTED to talk about God, they wanted to know what we were doing, or they just wanted to talk. Seriously, we would be huddled in a group, praying, and someone would come up to us. The speakers at Big Break called things like this Divine Appointments. Each time someone talked to us, it was a divine appointment. It was just so awesome to see God work like that.

And the trust that I developed from trusting in God…that despite being afraid, that I still trusted that God wouldn't let anything happen to us….well you might get a glimpse of the level of trust and what this night of prayer on the strip did for me when you read my Big Break 2004 experience.

As for actual witnessing on the beach….well we went in partners, originally with the same sex. This was before they assigned groups to different parts of the beach…..but most of the people we came in contact with had already been talked to. That was disappointing to me…I mean it was good they were talked to…but I really wanted to be a part of what God was doing.

Also, since it was my first year, and I was completely inexperienced in witnessing, I had to go with one of the Campus Crusade staff for the first three or four days of witnessing. Therefore, I really wasn't the one to choose who to talk with.

The speakers and the worship was awesome!
One song that we sang…and I can't find it anywhere on a CD is this: (it's called One Name. I can't find even the lyrics anywhere, so I'm just going to have to go from memory)

"There is one name under heaven whereby we might be saved. Forgive of our sins, washed in the water. Free, I'm really free my friend, freed by the blood of the Lamb. God's gonna move in this pla-ace, God's gonna move in this pla-ace, God's gonna move in this pla-ace, God's gonna turn this whole world upside down."

We sang that song like every day, and it was awesome. But anyway, God really convicted me of some things with the speakers, and I learned a lot from them. One thing that I really remember is that they asked us to pray for compassion. I did…and my outlook of the whole drunk people on the beach changed…..before I thought …."oh they're a bunch of drunkards," and I really was disgusted by them and looked down on them. The Holy Spirit convicted me of those thoughts, and He began to show me how hurt those people were, and how much they were in need of salvation.

Well, after finding people that had already been talked to for the first few days of witnessing, we decided to go to a different part of the beach. Throughout the week we had been encouraged to pray for the people's hearts that we would be talking to, and were reminded time and time again that this whole thing wasn't about us…it's about God. We're not the ones who change hearts…only God is, but we can plant seeds.

So everyday that we were on the beach, as we were walking, I always prayed for God to change people's hearts…I cried out to Him, and I asked for strength, courage, and guidance. I asked the Holy Spirit to lead me and I told Him that I would trust Him.

Well, when we went to this other part of the beach…there were a lot more clubs there…Club LaVela…might have spelled that wrong…was a big party spot, and it was to this area that we went that day.

Before I had left for our trip, our Bible study group leader, who had gone to Big Break the year before, had told us that we could be a witness in like picking up trash and whatever, and if anyone asked, we could say, "Jesus told me to."

Well our big group got split up, and while we were "done" for the day…again, no such luck talking with people. Most had already been talked with. My partner and I sat down and waited for another small group to get back. They had been held up. I didn't just want to sit there, though.

I realized I hadn't given out any of the free CD's that we had been given to hand out to people, so I opened my bag and approached a random person and asked him if he wanted a CD. He said, "sure." I gave it to him. As soon as he found out it was Christian, he took it and he threw it….and the cover broke. He did not want to talk. (That was the only person that I encountered who responded like that the whole time, and it didn't stop me from wanting to witness.)

Well, I saw there was a whole bunch of trash on the ground, and so I remembered what was said before the trip, and so I started picking it up and taking it to a trash can. There were lots of trash cans there on the beach. There were a couple guys throwing a football back and forth around the location of that trash can. The guy nearest the can noticed me. After several times of going there, he asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was picking up trash on the beach, and I told him why I was in Florida…that we were there to share Jesus with people on the beach. He was interested, and asked me a couple questions. At that point in my witnessing life, I hadn't really tried to explain the Gospel Message outside of the "Know God Personally" booklet, and he was the first person I had really talked with anyway. He was still throwing the football, so I couldn't really sit down and go through the booklet with him…however I gave it to him and told him to read it. We probably said a couple other words…I don't remember what else, and then he promised me that he would read the booklet.

I went back to where everyone was. I went off to go look at something. While I was gone, he came up to the other people in our group and told them that "their friend had talked to me and that he was going to read the booklet." When I came back, they told me that he said that, and I was just like, "wow…look at what you are doing, God! Thank you so much for using me in this."

I loved that feeling…and it made me want to witness more and to praise God.

Those were the most significant things that happened with Big Break 2003. I learned to rely on God in a total different way, and to trust that the Holy Spirit would lead me, change hearts, and could use me. I got so much out of that experience that I wanted to come back the next year….and I did.

Big Break 2004

We had the water outreach again, but I do not remember the details of that…nothing significant that I can remember. There were no conversations. I think a couple people asked me for water, but they were not talkative.

The night after the first session, we were told to go out and pray for the people on spring break, and for the week. However, we were told we could go wherever we wanted. Most of the groups just prayed around the beach, and went to non threatening areas…but that wasn't enough for me. I wanted to go out where there were people, and I really felt led to go out on the strip. I had had such a great experience with it the year before, and I really felt that that's where God wanted me to be.

Well there was a guy that I had met the year before from our group, and he was there again…but he was almost all blind. A freshman girl was leading him around. He really felt led to go on the strip too. Since Becky was with us, and this was her first year, she stuck to us. The thing was that I couldn't remember how to get out of the place we were staying…it was behind a wall/fence because it was a condominium-like private area. Becky didn't know either…but looking back on this…our inability to find the entrance/ext was a God Thing. The reason I say this is because of what happened…

As we were wandering around, Becky was extremely scared for the whole week. I was struggling with the romantic relationship area of my life (or rather lack of a romantic relationship, even though I had given up guys for Lent that year, I still struggled), and Niral had his own issues. I don't remember exactly how we decided it, but we mutually agreed to sit down and pray together. We did…we prayed for one another, we prayed that God would guide us and lead us where we were supposed to go, and we prayed for protection. We walked a bit farther, and we prayed once again. Then I saw a way to get out on the strip, and we did.

It was just the three of us, and I don't know what time it was once we finally got on it. Becky was scared, as I had been the year before. This time I wasn't scared at all. I was with another girl and a guy that was mostly blind, and we were on that strip, but I felt totally safe with God. We walked and we prayed….and we ended up talking to a guy who was waiting for a ride at one of the hotels we passed. We talked to him and his friend for a while. He asked us how we were sure Christianity was the right religion, and why other religions weren't right. He asked us if we had ever read any of the other religion's holy books. Even though he was responding like that, we were still able to share with him what we believed, and his friend was saying that he would go to church that next week, and he seemed to be pretty interested.

It was a really cool experience…and I'm glad we did that.

Becky, Niaral, and I prayed together several times for the rest of the week. One morning Niral was having a major struggle, and we all sat together once again to pray. I got out my Bible, which had different topics and I suggested doing something that I had been doing for myself a lot. If I was struggling with something, I would look for verses in the Bible about that topic (either from my Bible's topics at the beginning or from a couple Extreme books I had). I didn't have the Extreme books with me, but I had the Bible with the topics, so I read him off several of the topic, sand he told me he would like to hear about one having to do with peace. So I read it to him…Philippians 4:4-9 (NIV).

PHP 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

That verse really spoke to him…and God comforted us all through it. That verse has had an affect on me a long time afterwards.

The worship and the teachings from Scripture were as Spirit filled as always, and the Holy Spirit continued to reveal things to me and convict me of areas I needed to change in my life, as He always does.

Spring break was always during Lent. I used to not really care much about Lent. I wasn't Catholic, so it didn't really matter. However, once I got to college, half of my friends were Catholic, and they challenged us Protestants to give something up for Lent or take something on, in order to grow closer to God through the experience. Several days before Lent, I had no idea what I was going to give up, but the day before, I decided that I would give up guys….and this meant giving up on focusing on wishing guys would have feelings for me, wishing that a guy would ask me on a date, and looking for guys to like. I decided that even if a guy liked me and asked me out during that time, I would tell him that if he wanted to be with me, he would have to wait until Lent was over. It was just going to be me and God.

So for at least 40 days of my life, I wasn't going to worry about the guy area at all. This was the first year I ever tried doing anything with Lent…but I tell you it was awesome. Not only that, but Lent began with The Passion of the Christ movie. It came out on Ash Wednesday, and I saw it the day it came out. What a powerful movie! I was forced to focus more on Christ's Sufferings and all that He went through and the depth of that love than I ever had been before. Since Passion had come out so recently, we were urged to use that as part of our witnessing to people on the beach.

Just as I had the year before, I trusted in the Holy Spirit and asked Him to prepare the hearts of the people that we were going to encounter. Since I had done this before, I had inexperienced people as my partners. We took turns choosing people to talk with and have conversations with. For some reason, I felt more comfortable talking with guys than other girls. That's what usually happens when I witness. Most girls are opposite of me, and feel more at ease talking with girls than guys.

Well I decided that I would not just approach random people. I tried that, but whenever I tried that, there was really no conversation that resulted. I really wanted to wait for the Holy Spirit to lead me to the people HE wanted me to talk with.

Well…I felt an urge from Him to talk to this one guy who was sitting by himself. I approached him and started talking to him. That guy was so thirsty for information. We talked for a couple hours. We discussed Passion, because he had seen it. I remember him asking me why Jesus died. And I said, "because of His love…because that's how much God loved us….that Jesus would go through all of that just for us." He was in awe. He was like, "that's a lot of love!" It was just so awesome. I shared with him some of the Bible verses we had been discussing in the mornings, and just stuff right out of the Bible. He asked me questions, and the Holy Spirit equipped me with a way to answer him. It was awesome. I started the conversation out by going through this survey thing that we gave everyone in order to launch into a spiritual conversation. I was able to give him a "Know God Personally" booklet…but I still relied on that for discussing the gospel and the plan of salvation. There were a lot of questions and stuff that he asked me, and I brought up my own stuff off of the book, explaining things…and it was just an awesome Divine Appointment from God.

Another day, I was also determined to only talk to someone that the Holy Spirit led me to talk to, and I was walking…most of the people had already been talked to, but He led me to this guy who was laying on a towel all by himself. I approached him and started talking with him. He too was very curious and wanted to know stuff as well. I read a lot of Romans to him because he had so many questions. I spent about four hours talking to him, and I'm not kidding. He was so interested in stuff, and he kept on wanting to know what the Bible said about various topics, and was able to tell him how God was working in my life. I was definitely more familiar with my Bible at that point than I had been the previous year. The conversation that I had with him was amazing…it was all God. Again, the starting point was with the "Know God Personally" booklet.

Let me tell you, I REALLY learned to know when the Holy Spirit was leading me to do something, and I learned a lot more about being obedient to Him and listening to Him. I grew in my trust of God more than I ever had before, and the witnessing that He enabled me to do….it was awesome.

Then there was the 1,000 dollar shot day. A person would have the chance to win 1,000 dollars for making a basket. It was a specific outreach that Campus Crusade did every year there. The first year I didn't really get tickets to give to anyone because they ran out. That year, I got the number we were supposed to get, and so I began giving out tickets.

I don't remember getting into any Divine Appointment conversations until everyone was gathered around to make the shot. I asked the Holy Spirit if He would lead me to someone. He did…there was a group of people there who had been to jail. I got into a conversation with those guys, and I remember asking them how it would feel if someone who had done no wrong would have volunteered to pay their sentence for them, and would take all the punishment they deserved. So we got in a discussion about Jesus and I remember getting out my Bible, and other people started coming over and helping me out. After we were done talking with them, one of the other Campus Crusaders encouraged me by saying, "that's awesome, you got out the Word and were showing them passages."

I also got into a conversation with a Turkish Muslim, and someone else….and it was pretty cool. And I know there were more people I talked with that year, but none of them stick out in my mind right now. I know that God gave me the opportunity to talk with several people throughout the week, and I was totally blessed through the conversations, that He would use me so much.

At night some people got together and worshipped on the beach. That was awesome….singing worship songs on the beach with a couple of guitars and other Christians.

That's all of the significant Big Break 2004 stuff that I can remember at the moment.

But I do want to end with how Lent ended for me that year. For my "Religions of the World" class, I had to attend a service in another religion. I decided to go to a Jewish service…I wanted to go somewhere in which the people actually worshipped God and believed in Him. Because I wanted to worship too…and anything else felt wrong.

So, because of the circumstances, on Good Friday, I attended a Jewish service. I was supposed to go to a service the week before that, but it was so cold that the lock in the car of my friend's car was frozen. I didn't have a car on campus at the time. The paper was due that week, so I had to turn in my paper late, and I HAD to go that week. I thought that Jewish services were on Friday night because that's when it was when I went the year before for a different class (however that was a special service that they were having.) They still had a service Friday night, but it wasn't their main one.

My church didn't have a Good Friday service anyway, so I wasn't really missing out on anything. I went to the service, and all I could think of was Jesus on the cross, and it was during the Jewish Passover for them as well. So it was kind of cool that it lined up with Good Friday…and so I was thinking as I was sitting there, "people were in a service like this when Jesus died…" Because of what all Lent had meant to me that year…and all that had happened in Florida….there was something special about that service, and I think my worship reflected that. I just felt like totally praising Him…and I was in awe of Him at the same time.

Several of the Jews came up to me after the service (not many people were there), and they were all men…and they were so happy that I was there. One of them called me a member of their sister faith (calling Christianity their sister faith…they knew I was Christian), and they knew that I loved God. And they were excited about it too. We got into a discussion after the service, we talked about prayer…and I don't know what else, but they knew I was worshipping God and loved Him. I was very blessed by that, and I treasured that. That was awesome. I hadn't really talked to any Jews before. (And no, I did not talk about Jesus with them or try converting them to Christianity...for any Jews who might believe that Christians are out to get them).

Big Break 2005

After the previous two years of Big Break, I just had to go again! Little did I know that God planned to teach me entirely different things than what I thought He would do. I thought that Big Break 2005 would be a continuation of the year before, and in some ways it was…but I didn't plan for Him to do what He did.

I didn't really get to take part in the water outreach because they had run out of water long before I had the chance, and I didn't get to really witness to anyone that day because my room had to cook for everyone in my group.

As for the prayer that year at night, I didn't go out on the strip. We were told to pray by our schools, and one of my friends was heading our school up, and we just walked around and prayed for different stuff. He directed us each to lead prayer whenever we felt like it. So that is what we did. That was kind of cool, thought it was very different from what I had experienced the previous two years.

Once we were done with that, I kind of felt lead to go off by myself and walk along the beach, so I did. As I was walking, I noticed a couple of guys playing the guitar and worshipping. No one else was around them. I came over to see what they were doing. They invited me to worship with them, so I did. That was a pretty big step for me….there were only the three of us, so the other two people could hear my voice. You know what, though, it didn't matter. We were just worshipping God, and it felt so free to just worship Him, without caring what anyone might think about my voice.

God gave me the opportunity to talk to several people, but He was pushing me a different direction. I did try to wait on Him to lead me to people He wanted me to talk to, and He was faithful with that. However, the people I talked with…it was actually my partners that He wanted to speak. I had to learn some humility…and let Him use other people. I learned that there were some people that I wouldn't be as good a witness to as others…..I never had gotten drunk or taken drugs or had sex…and so therefore some of the people I was witnessing to had a hard time identifying with me. Some of my witnessing partners had lived that kind of life style before they were Christian, and therefore they were in a better position to witness to those individuals.

Also, as I was speaking, some of the people I was talking with told me that they didn't want me to go through a booklet with them. They wanted me to talk from my own thoughts and be able to explain myself without using it. Again, God wanted me to take a step and be able to witness without it. And the Holy Spirit really convicted me of that….and it was a hard lesson, just as the humility lesson was.

There was another day….the place we were assigned was completely empty. There was no one to witness to. That was disappointing. The important thing, I had to remember, was that I was making myself available to God, and I was willing to be used for His glory.

The day of the 1,000 dollar shot…I was excited because that had been a majoring witnessing day at Big Break 2004. I had the tickets again, and I was hoping to share my faith with others. Well, there was an older couple having lunch, and I approached them. They were really friendly and invited me to sit down. They were the ones who brought up the spiritual conversation….they were Jehovah's Witnesses, and they wanted to share THEIR faith with me. I ended up talking to them for several hours. The woman's husband got up and left after a while. He wanted to leave me and his wife alone so we could talk about these things. She had such a defined argument, and was asking me closed ended questions. I didn't really have much of a chance to tell her what I believed or share my faith with her. She went from Bible verse to Bible verse to explain her beliefs. Throughout the entire conversation, I was trying to remember what I had learned about the Jehovah's Witnesses and what the exact verses were that I could refute them with….I remembered the core concepts…such as they deny the Trinity, that they say Jesus is created, and that no one born after 1914 could get into heaven. I hadn't been prepared to talk with a JW, so I didn't know any verses off the top of my head that I could use to refute her. Even if I had known some verses, I wouldn't have been given a chance. She jumped from one thing to the next to the next. She didn't really give me a chance to question her either. I was hoping that my witnessing wasn't like that at all. It felt terrible not to be given a chance to say anything. It definitely convinced me that I did not want to be like that in my witness. I understood that if I was to talk with a JW, I would need to know specific verses very well to be able to refute them AND to be able to go through the gospel without the use of the "Know God Personally" booklet.

That was an experience! I went back to my room that night and decided to write her a letter. I looked up specific topics and found what verse some of those things were. I included them in a letter that I hand wrote to her. And I prayed, and asked God that if He wanted me to give the letter to her, that He would lead me to her the next day.

Well I found her the next day and gave it to her…along with a "Know God Personally" booklet.

I did have the opportunity to witness to a guy who was working at the beach restaurant, Palapas (if I spelled that right). He was interested in talking about spiritual matters, and I gave him a booklet too.

I know there were others that I talked with, but I cannot remember the specifics. Like I said, God wanted my partner to talk to them more than He wanted me to do so. A lot of seeds were planted, though, which was totally awesome.

Now that was the witnessing aspect of Big Break 2005…there was more that happened than that, though. There were some pretty cool things that God showed me, and time that I spent with Him. Every morning, I decided that it would be really cool to go to the beach and read before our sessions. That is what I did. I sat on the beach and read from the Bible, as well as reading other Christian books I was reading as part of my Personal Growth and Adjustment Project (for a class I was taking). It was so beautiful and peaceful reading on the beach. I really got to spend some quality time with the Lord. It was me and Him meeting on that beach.

I got a lot out of the books I was reading, and I felt like worshipping God all the time. It was definitely a time of growing in my relationship with Him. I treasured that time. This special time on the beach was something I hadn't really done very much the other two years.

Also, we got their earlier on the first day than other years, and so I was reading on the beach that first day, and someone took out the guitar, and people were worshipping during broad daylight on the beach! What an awesome thing!

I tried to worship at night each night. I really enjoyed that. Worshipping outside on the beach is amazing!

There is another really awesome thing that I am saving for last. Before I get into that, I need to tell you a background story. I went to France the summer after my sophomore year of high school. While I was there, I had ice cream from one of the outdoor stands. I decided to have red raspberry ice cream. That ice cream was delicious. I liked it so much that I was hoping to have that flavor when I returned to this country.

From then on, every time I went to an ice cream store, I had always looked for red raspberry as a flavor. Very, very few ice cream stores that I had been to offered it. I think I had had it twice since I went to France, before Big Break 2005. I would be looking for it, and most of the time it wasn't there.

Background story 2 – I had been struggling with singleness, I longed to be in a relationship with the guy that God had for me, and although I had given up relationships for Lent again, I still had this strong desire to be in a relationship….this deep longing for God to put the right guy in my life, and I was struggling with it a little bit…I guess being a little impatient in my waiting….but just desiring a godly man in my life…someone who I could grow in my relationship with Christ with….someone who would encourage me…someone who would treasure me…someone who would strive to love me with the same sacrificial love that Christ loved the church with…mostly I just want someone to glorify God with.

The guy thing has been an old desire since about the time I was saved…and I am serious….I was interested in guys that early…it's a desire that God had placed deep within me….that He possibly planted there when I was saved. Of course, the reason I wanted to be in a relationship changed overtime….to what it was then, during Big Break 2005, and what it still is….the stuff I just mentioned in the paragraph above.

However, I was struggling because God had basically promised me a guy one day….(He had revealed it to me in several ways), but He hadn't placed anyone in my life that would fit this. In fact, I had never had a boyfriend in my life, and I had never been on a date, and no guy in real life had ever been interested in me. I hadn't even been asked on a date, and no guy had indicated having any interest in me.

All right, with all that said….partway through the week I had gotten this intense desire for chocolate cake…and not just any chocolate cake…it was a specific kind. It was the strangest thing ever, and I knew it was from God. And I remember thinking, "I don't know why I have this intense desire for a chocolate cake, but I'm not going to dwell on it. Yes, this desire is there, but I'm going to focus on You, Lord, and what I am doing here on the beach." The cake desire, although it was intense, it didn't really bother me, and I didn't let it get in the way of my worship of God, my time with Him, or my witnessing.

The desire didn't go away…and finally it was the last day of our break. Friday every year was our day off. We didn't have sessions, and we weren't told to witness to anyone. I tried to that day, but the Holy Spirit wasn't really leading me to anyone. Well, one of the guys in our group invited me to have a picnic with whoever wanted to. I thought that would be fun, so I said I'd eat.

A larger portion of the group also invited me to eat with them, but they were going to Palapas. I told them that I was going to eat on the beach, and that I wouldn't eat at the restaurant, but I would be happy to come along and have fellowship with them…just to hang out. So that's what I did…I ate on the beach, and then just as I was done eating, the rest of the people were there to eat dinner at the restaurant.

There were so many of us that we had to be divided up into three tables. The table I was at was smaller, and was at a slightly lower level than the others, but we could still see the other tables. As I entered the restaurant, I thought about chocolate cake, and the thought of ordering it entered my mind. I said "no" to that thought…don't know why…but I didn't want to order it.

Well, the people at each table ordered their food. We talked, and I enjoyed the conversation. It was just good to be with other people. A little time passed….and still we enjoyed one another's company. The other two tables got their food. My table didn't.

We talked more. The other two tables got their checks…my table hadn't gotten their food yet. Still, the waiting didn't bother me. I really wasn't affected by it because I was just enjoying the time with everyone. The girl sitting next to me said, "I hate waiting…waiting is so painful." And God was speaking to me about this…He basically said, "Yes, waiting can be painful sometimes, but waiting will be more than worth it." I spoke it out loud. The person across from me said, "This hamburger better be worth the wait." After a while several of the restaurant workers came out and apologized to us. They said, "We're sorry that you have been waiting so long. But because you have been waiting so long, we're going to give you free dessert.

Then everyone got their food, and I watched them eat it. Then afterwards, they brought out the desserts. We didn't get to choose them. One dessert was a key lime pie and the other was a chocolate cake. This chocolate cake was exactly like the one that I had had a desire for. And when I ate it, it satisfied my desire for the chocolate cake completely. I felt as if God were telling me, "This will be what it will be like when I bring you the guy that I am saving for you. I am more than capable of bringing you the type of guy that you desire. The wait will be worth it. I will meet your every need. Just look to me and wait."

Then one of the people at our table suggested going to get ice cream. Again, the only thing I was thinking about was spending time with the other people in the group and just hanging out…having fun. I was not thinking about ice cream flavors at all. As I stepped into the store, and looked at the ice cream flavors, red raspberry was one of the flavors! That was a complete surprise to me. And through this, I felt like God was speaking to me, "This is what it will be like when I bring the right guy to you. It won't be when you're looking for him."

I should comment about a Bible passage that kept on being brought up throughout Big Break 2005, and something that God kept bringing up in my life for a while afterwards.

Ephesians 3:14-21 (NIV)

EPH 3:14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (NIV)

Same, (NKJV)
20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, (NKJV)

Same, (NASB)
20Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, (NASB)

Same, (Amplified)
20Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the (action of His) power that is at work within us, is able to (carry out His purpose and) do superabundantly, far over and above all that we (dare) ask or think (infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams)(Amplified)

To view this text in nearly any other translation, follow one of the Bible Gateway verse links listed above and change your translation and choose update.

This was mainly used for witnessing….to try and get at the fact that when we go out in the name of Christ, and Witness to others, God can do so much more than we can ask, think, imagine….this includes bringing people to Christ. The verse also reminds me that God is more capable and can meet all my needs in a way that I could never imagine. He is that awesome, and I know that this also could apply to the relationship area of my life.